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Teen Poetry #3
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Broken Hearted...
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Broken Hearted... |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ 
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****IF ANYONE COULD HELP ME OUT WITH A TITLE I WOULD BE VERY APPRECIATIVE...AND THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY PERSONAL LIFE...IT IS JUST A POEM... < !signature-->****I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH STARTING POEMS AND NOT BEING ABLE TO FINISH THEM...HERE IS ONE I STARTED AND CANT FINISH... My heart is aching, its in so much pain, all because you left me, without any shame. It has been hurt, plenty of times before, but its different now, the pain is growing more & more. ***Sorry its so short...I hope you like it though... People leave our lives as quickly as they come, but the ones that mean something leave footprints in our hearts. [This message has been edited by ERIN (edited 11-30-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Erin Erbs - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Greeneyes617 Member
since 2000-11-22
Posts 329Arkansas |
Well, since you have Broken heart at the top of this...how about Shattered pieces? Good poem. Short and to the point. |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
hmmm.... I stink w/ titles. I would have titled just as you did. And just 'cause it's short dosn't mean it's not finished. But I think if you let it sit for a couple weeks and then pick this poem back up maybe ideas will rush in more freely. I liked it the way it was though. Keep up the good work. IsGona "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Erin, girl, this is very good!! Broken hearted fits, but you can try " A New Emptiness", Or "Another Heartache" Loved it, sometimes the beginning and ending of a poem is easy, it's the middle that you find yourself working for. Good, good, good.... thumbs up. xoxo Jenn "Guess I'm not smart, I let you un-nerve me, I let you control me; afraid the truth would hurt me, when it's you that hurts me more." TLC |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
This seems like it could be a complete poem without adding more, so you could just leave it like this. As for the title, I don't know, they're so hard to choose! You've done a good job with this one  "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
There's nothing wrong with short poems! This gets the point across very well, and I don't think you need to add anything to it. As for titles, I like Jenn's suggestion "Another Heartbreak". Thanks for posting! "Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather "Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Thank you all very much for the suggestions for the title...I think I just might go with Jenn's idea...(Thanks Jenn!!!) And thank you all for reading it and replying... People leave our lives as quickly as they come, but the ones that mean something leave footprints in our hearts. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
"She looks like the real thing She tastes like the real thing My fake plastic love. But i can't help the feeling I could blow through the ceiling" - Radiohead Anyway i think this is nice. Broken hearted sounds nice.....plain and simple title...keep rollin!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
hey cheese cake, i think your title is fitting. Glad you explained things before the poem, or else......  "My heart is aching, its in so much pain, all because you left me, without any shame. It has been hurt, plenty of times before, but its different now, the pain is growing more & more." the poem stands on it's own. meaning to say your beginning and ending is just fine. I don't see any flaws to it. perfect poem I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I think Shattered would be a nice title and appropriate, but what do I know? great though! I can't see at all. Even if I could it would all be great, to put your picture on my wall, it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad. |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
hey chic!! Awesome poem!! Ya know..we need to start talkin again! If u see me online IM me, capeesh?? Keep up the great work..cheesecake lol lol**Kiley "A true friend can see the truth and pain in your eyes, even when you're fooling everyone else" |
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sweetstuff101 Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 375OK, USA |
I think it's fine the way it is. I think the title is fine too. It was a really good poem, great job!! Keep writing, I look forward to reading more from you soon! Luv,  ~*~Priscilla~*~ . < !signature-->~*~GoOd fRiEnDz ArE hArD 2 FiNd, HaRdEr 2 LeAvE, & iMpOsSiBlE 2 fOrGeT~*~tHe HaRdEsT tHiNg tO Do iS wAtCh tHe 1 U LuV, lUv sUm1 eLsE~*~ [This message has been edited by sweetstuff101 (edited 12-06-2000).] |
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