navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #3 » Hollow
Teen Poetry #3
Post A Reply Post New Topic Hollow Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Rhiannon
Member
since 1999-07-28
Posts 95
Fayetteville, TN USA

0 posted 2000-11-29 05:57 PM


      Out of these silences something may rise
      And in the beginning I see your eyes
      In the end I will remember
      You looking through me so tender
      During the darkness I feel the end
      And write to you what I'll never send
      Can you whisper something small
      And love me when you call
      Just slide a little deeper
      Make the meaning a little sweeter
      The mortality of it all
      Makes me want to fall
      In love with you again
      And forgive this empty sin
      Sing a song to me
      In dreams and undercover
      Bruised and bleeding and sober
      Will you love me then?
      Put carresses in the wind
      Just for me
      Just to see
      What I'll say
      Show me the way
      To follow
      To swallow
      It's all so hollow



The night is my companion
The solitude my guide
Would I spend forever here
And not be satisfied?
Sarah MacLachlan, "Possession"


© Copyright 2000 Rhiannon - All Rights Reserved
LoveAll
Member
since 2000-05-24
Posts 148
B'dale, USA
1 posted 2000-11-29 09:47 PM


This is really enchanting...I really like the way it flows.  It's really good that you realized that it was all "hollow".  I hope you don't feel those feelings anymore..because they are the worst, and everyone deserves much better.  Just remember, hun, Jesus will always love you, and fulfill all the hollow.  
God Bless and Keep Smiling  

Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; run and not grow weary, walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:3

LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

2 posted 2000-11-29 10:12 PM


I agree with LoveAll, this piece has a beautiful flow. We have all enountered hollow people with hollow promises, but I know that you will find someone with substance someday. Thanks for posting.

"Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather
"Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav



Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
3 posted 2000-11-30 03:11 PM


Ditto to LoveAll and LoveBug, and very nice job on this poem

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
4 posted 2000-11-30 06:58 PM


This would make a great song.
Anyway i liked these lines:

"During the darkness I feel the end
And write to you what I'll never send"
      
I don't know......i like the idea of you writing something yet knowing you won't send it. Odd eh? hehehe.....anyway great poem!
A great read, once again!




I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!


Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #3 » Hollow

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary