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Teen Poetry #3
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Mine Angel (Edited, see what you think)
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Mine Angel (Edited, see what you think) |
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hoppy Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271 |
Ok here we go......i changed some stuff around in the poem and deleted and added a few things...see what ya think now... I bid you touch my hand while I ponder This vivid dream and extraordinary wonder. Of this elegant lady that I readily perceive, Sitting so still and quite I can hardly believe. Glancing in to her eyes I can't help but behold Bits and pieces with volumes yet untold; And shall I be bold enough to openly inquire, About her most sacred thoughts and deepest desire? And what formidable way could I possibly impose Mine quandary except through a soft permeable rose? Meanwhile in the night's cool air we quietly set So we can savor this thought and not soon forget That even the cosmos and stars held far from our sight, Stand lacking lest they behold mine angel here tonight. < !signature--> Swift as a shadow, short as any dream; Brief as the lightning in the collied night, That in a spleen unfolds both heaven and earth, And ere a ma [This message has been edited by hoppy (edited 11-20-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Hoppy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Wonderful Hoppy! Very sweet and tender thoughts ... beautiful imagery in this, the reader is drawn right in. Very nicely done!  Best wishes, /Kit |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Hey. Amazing. Yeah. Amazing. One thing tho.. Shall I be bold enough to openly inquire, About her most sacred thoughts and deepest desire. Shouldn't that be a question? AnYwAyZ, I loved it to death... ~Carly A word is dead When it is said Some say, I say it just Begins to live That day. |
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compassion Member
since 2000-11-01
Posts 135USA |
Well, silly fellow, you just ask!! Good write, enjoyed. |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
Hoppy- This is really beautiful. Such gentle and loving thoughts you've penned here. Keep it up! -vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, you have not truely met the poet." -vlraynes |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Hoppy, You did an excellent job on this, I love the flow and overall feeling of it. It's done very well "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!! http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was a great poem. I am surprised you edited it...........i dont edit anything. Anyway, great job on this one!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
Hoppy~ You apinted a beautiful picture for us all to see...Keep it up!!!I liked this poem too!!!Good work... People leave our lives as quickly as they come, but the ones that mean something leave footprints in our hearts. |
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