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Teen Poetry #3
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As I lay here dying
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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As I lay here dying |
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Lucius Cade Member
since 2000-03-23
Posts 235Saskatchewan |
As I lay here dying I wonder why I even tried to save that man being held at gunpoint. As I lay here dying I think about my day and the path I chose to take that ended at this spot. Maybe had I slept in? Maybe had I walked the dog? Maybe had I watched T.V? I would not have been here dying now. I look at the other man and realize he is dead. In my vain attempt to save that slob I have signed away my life and future... And as I wither and die I cry, for I will only be remembered for what I've done and not for who I am... Now I beg for sleep in agony bleeding on my concrete pillow. Numb, and cold, I can not breath. My awareness collapses in all around like a tidal wave of pain and darkness smashing me, out of reality. Lucidity is the answer to all problems |
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| © Copyright 2000 Lucius Cade - All Rights Reserved | |||
xShUgArHiGhx 
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
This was absolutely terrific...it has so much feeling in it!! life is all about, what if's like you were asking yourself in the poem, and thats the reality of it all. I thought this piece was amazing...great job hun. |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
It's so good to see you around here again, my friend!  This is such a chilling piece. I love how the person in the poem reflects on everything that could have happened and then on what did happen. You have great storytelling talent, also! Keep up the great work! False gems may shine as brightly as the genuine article, but there are always those who can tell the difference. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was wonderful!! I really liked the topic of this poem. You tried to save somebody out of kindness but in the end it was all done in vain and the person died anyway along with taking you down with him. Bad bad bad...... but the poem....good good good!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
holy sh***t that was awesome! oh my god! wow it was so beautiful...the act of kindness can sometimes have rewards and sometimes be painful..Rad poem though.. ~Ina~ |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Oh my, this one had some power in it! I'm impressed, I think you did an awesome job with these words. incredible writing !"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!! http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Lucius Cade Member
since 2000-03-23
Posts 235Saskatchewan |
Wow, thanks guys. Yeah love bug I havent been around for a while. I havent written for a while untill this one, but now that my dry spell is back I will be here more often Lucidity is the answer to all problems |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Death is always a powerful and interesting thing to write about. I love the irony in this one. good job. IsGona "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN" ~Hatebreed~ |
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~*~PrettyGirly~*~ Member
since 2000-11-04
Posts 83Fitchburg Ma Usa |
~*!Hi!*~ that was a really good poem. ~*~PG~*~ If I could walk I'd be glad..But I'm glad the way I am- ~*~me~*~ |
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compassion Member
since 2000-11-01
Posts 135USA |
Very well written! I have a sister just like the person you've described... I gave her some tips and good advice (once my eyes were opened that I may help her to see); next thing I know, she's showing me a trick or two. Yelp, open your friends eyes. (sometimes it works) it certainly helped my sister and who knows what she'll be remembered for now. Thanks for sharing and my dumping.{smile} |
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ThyWizard Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 56Chambersburg, PA, USA |
So much like life. Excellent piece, the what ifs made it totally easy for the reader to relate...lookin forward to readin more of your work " If who i am is what i have and what i have is lost, then who am I? " - unknown Tryps |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
LC- wow...this is a very powerful piece. you've done an excellent job here, and I'm looking forward to reading more from you. -vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, you have not truely met the poet." -vlraynes |
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Morouxshi San Member
since 2000-10-11
Posts 207San Juan, Puerto Rico |
incredible, this was one terrific piece... is it me or does anyone else notice how Dope everytime he understands a poem he does a recap on it? keep writting! San, the wise San, the dumb San, the guy... |
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