life is a dream gone sour,curdling as we go.....

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Teen Poetry #3

life is a dream gone sour,curdling as we go.....

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

0 posted 2000-11-12 01:38 PM

Hey everyone its a little long...

To the darkness that
envelopes me, through
out my life
you are my nightmare,
my dream gone sour,
you are the life
that started to curdle
on me
please leave me be
my sleep is devoured,lying
awake in my bed
a cold sweat breaks on my
body
Friends take flight and I'm
stuck here with clipped wings
dying to know all the
secrets of life,
living a double life
happiness and bottomless
depression are fighting
in my head and it's a losing battle
for I know the happiness
is slowly fading away
you are my nightmare,my screams
and my urgent pleas
As i crumble into the water,
dissolving like an alka-seitzer
i feel no pain and life seems
is better and gets better as I drift
into the water
everyone forgets,buts that the point.
~Ina~

curlygurly
Member

since 2000-09-12

Posts 276
USA

1 posted 2000-11-12 04:32 PM

This was really good Ina. i liked the style and the flow. Awesome poem!

Curly

"So many tears i've cried, so much pain inside"
-Lenny Kravitz

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

2 posted 2000-11-12 04:34 PM

This poem has a lot of feelings mixed into one, i think thats what i liked most about it..plus some parts i can relate to. Overall great job!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2000-11-12 05:35 PM

I think that since it has so many feelings rolled up into one poem, everybody can relate to certain parts, if not all of it. I think it's a great poem!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

4 posted 2000-11-12 08:17 PM

This was good, I like it

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!!

http://www.thehungersite.com

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

5 posted 2000-11-13 08:27 PM

thank u all for your replys. btw do i submit this for a poetry contest?
Ina

Lani_DarkOne
Member

since 2000-05-28

Posts 152
UK

6 posted 2000-11-14 05:01 PM

WOW..this is brilliant, esp. the dissolving like the alka-seitzer bit..

I can relate to this..esp. the last line..keep posting, look forward to seeing more of your work..

"..don't get sentimental
It always..ends up drivel" - Let Down, Radiohead

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