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Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

0 posted 2000-11-11 07:03 PM

NOTE: check the spelling on this one. If any errors, do inform.

Dark Internals:

A faded love of yesterday.
Sipping the water of youth.
The winter frost flows within.
Feelings in need of sooth.

Icycles of tear lost ways.
A life of heartless mind.
The segment of lines is crushed fully.
Darkness will never shine.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!

curlygurly
Member

since 2000-09-12

Posts 276
USA

1 posted 2000-11-11 08:42 PM

Great poem dopey! i found one error, i think that you misspelled icicles, but i'm not totally sure.

Curly

"So many tears i've cried, so much pain inside"
-Lenny Kravitz

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

2 posted 2000-11-12 08:52 AM

Very nicely written Javier. I liked the depth of your thoughts in this, particularly liked:

"Sipping the water of youth."

Nicely done! (and PS .. Curly's right on the spelling of icicles)

Best wishes,
/Kit

[This message has been edited by Kit McCallum (edited 11-12-2000).]

Kandi
Member

since 2000-06-14

Posts 354
North of Hell

3 posted 2000-11-12 09:26 AM

Another great one Dopey~I dug it. Short but very powerful...you inspire me. If you were a girl, we'd be girlfriends and go shopping at Old Navy together.

(sorry - it's a lil too early in the morning!)
Gran trababjo~
Kristin

~*Things you see the way you see them will never be seen again*~

~When it comes to me, you have to stretch your definition of normal a little bit.~

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

4 posted 2000-11-12 01:48 PM

Hey,
I really like this one and didn't see any more spelling mistakes (can i ask why you were asking about that?). Well anyway, good job. For some reason I really like the last line:

"Darkness will never shine."< !signature-->

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!!

http://www.thehungersite.com

[This message has been edited by Lakewalker (edited 11-12-2000).]

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2000-11-12 06:00 PM

Thanks curly about what you said...how sweet.

Kit- im glad you liked it a lot and the necessary corrections were made on icicles in my poem in my books and stuff, thanks.

Kandi- we could be girlfriends and go shopping in stores anyway! haha....not old navy though.....i prefer skater gear.

Lake- I asked because i'm not a good speller and i just needed to make sure. Anyway thanks for reading pal....long live the talking rivers.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

6 posted 2000-11-12 06:20 PM

Hey. Sowwy I missed this! I agree with Lakewalker, the last line was terrific. One line bothered me though. "Feelings in need of sooth." That just didn't sound rite to me. Anyways, I loved it. Keep cool..

~Carly

A word is dead
When it is said
Some say,
I say it just
Begins to live
That day.

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