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Teen Poetry #3
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Peaceful Pit of Paranoia
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Peaceful Pit of Paranoia |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI 
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In my pit of paranoia My shadow fights. 'Tis a duel to the death. In my pit of paranoia Words echo. Chasing me, Souls tumble into the oblivion. In my pit of paranoia Daddy Long Leg yearns To feast on my bleeding heart. In my pit of paranoia The needle falls, crashing Piercing. Cutting my existance. No breath. No life In my pit of paranoia. [This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (edited 11-09-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Carly Anne Van Dort - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This whole poem was pretty desperate. I thought the repetition in this put that effect inside it. I liked it very much cutie pie!! Keep it up and you're doing great. Much talent, much love.....much much  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Hey, thanks a lot Javi.  Means bunchies to me...~Carly [This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (edited 11-09-2000).] |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I liked the repetition as well, I think it added well to the poem. Great work "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!! http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Kandi Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 354North of Hell |
I really just liked the overall Idea of this one, and the Title is awesome. Great piece of Work  ~kristin ~*Things you see the way you see them will never be seen again*~ ~When it comes to me, you have to stretch your definition of normal a little bit.~ |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
I love how you portray your feelings in this one. I also like the flow to this one. This is a great piece, and I hope you keep it up! False gems may shine as brightly as the genuine article, but there are always those who can tell the difference. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
magnificent read. I too like your repetitious style. It indeed made a big difference on the poem. Maybe I should try something like that. Thanks for sharing  I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
You never sieze to amaze me. You were blessed w/ a talent. Keep writting. IsGona "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ |
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