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Teen Poetry #3
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I remember
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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I remember |
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ZAOfreak Junior Member
since 2000-11-08
Posts 22CA, USA |
I remember when she loved me, Everything was wonderful. I remember looking in her eyes, She was so beautiful. I remember when she hugged me, Everything fell into place. I remember when I held her, She filled that empty space. I remember when she kissed me, I held her close, our love was true. I threw away all of my morals, And turned my back on You. Now I stand her watching, My soul cries as she slips away. Deep inside it hurts to see her, It gets worse everyday. I wish that she would love me, And tell me that she's there for me. I try to show her all my sorrow, But she chooses not to see. I wish that she would hug me, And warm my cold and aching heart. Everyday I spend without her, Tears flow from my heart. I wish that she would kiss me, Hold me close in warm embrace. I wish that I could stand beside her, And caress her gentle face. But in my heart it's raining, All the water is stained red. Inside I'm crying, always crying, From gaping wounds I've bled. I hope someday she'll love me, And hold me in her arms again. I stand alone, waiting for her, To restore me within. I hope someday she'll hug me, And tell me everything's OK. My heart is longing, always longing, But she's so far away. I hope someday she'll kiss me, And look into my eyes that way. The way when you know, that she loves you, And that she's here to stay. Oh God, why won't she love me? I try so hard and nothing works. Everyday, I try to love her, And everyday it hurts. I remember when she loved me, And also when she slipped away. I remember bleeding, crying, screaming, The scars are here to stay |
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| © Copyright 2000 Forrest King - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Rhiannon Member
since 1999-07-28
Posts 95Fayetteville, TN USA |
Beautiful. I know how it feels to have someone you love turn away from you. Very good way to express it....i totally connected with this poem. love leslie The night is my companion The solitude my guide Would I spend forever here And not be satisfied? Sarah MacLachlan, "Possession" |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Welcome to Passions!!!! I thought this first post rocked!! Anyway rhiannon said that she knew how it felt to have a loved one turn their back on you. Well from what I understood in this poem in accordance to these two lines : "I threw away all of my morals, And turned my back on You." Was that YOU turned your back on HER due to your throwing away your morals. Which morals those were, i'd never know unless you told me. ANYWAY....i thought the poem was great. Keep it up and I hope to see you post more in the future!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Welcome to Passions ZAOfreak! We are very happy you have decided to join our community of poetry friendship. We look forward to having you share your efforts with us and please keep in mind that we are very supportive of each other. The pleasure you receive from reading comments on your work is the same pleasure others need by receiving your comments on theirs. This is a rule that all poets here follow. We invite you to join the family! This is a wonderful first post ... full of heartfelt emotions, regret, longing and desire ... great flow to your work. Very nicely done!  I hope to read more of your poetry and your responses to our wonderful family of poets! (check your e-mail for a special message) Best wishes, /Kit [This message has been edited by Kit McCallum (edited 11-09-2000).] |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
 Welcome to Passions What an emotion filled first post! Great job expressing these feelings, the poem is very good. I liked the flow of it too. Keep posting for us, I'll be looking for more "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!! http://www.thehungersite.com |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Wow, man Great first poem. I am a little confused like Dopey. Did you leave her and now regret it. Those two lines that Dopey qouted threw me off. The rest of the poem sounds as if she left you. Maybe you can clear this up but excellent first post Jon |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I took "You" to mean God because it was capitalized, so he left God and his morals to be with her. "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!! http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Kandi Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 354North of Hell |
WHAT an awesome first post! I loved it - very open and honest - you'll fit right in! Truly beautiful work! Keep them comin', and WELCOME!  ~Kristin Ps - that was cool of Lakewalker to put that link to the hunger site here...I go there everyday and it is so simple. Everyone should check it out. ~*Things you see the way you see them will never be seen again*~ ~When it comes to me, you have to stretch your definition of normal a little bit.~ |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Awesome first post and welcome to passions!!! I loved how you told us your hopes and wishes. I hope that one day she comes back to you...it sounds like your really love this gurl. The best of luck hun... |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS!!! A very emotional and powerfully written poem. One thing, show this to her. I think this should solve your problems. Thanks for sharing and keep it up I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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