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Teen Poetry #3
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The lonely dreams of youth
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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The lonely dreams of youth |
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Rhiannon Member
since 1999-07-28
Posts 95Fayetteville, TN USA |
Nightsweat and heat That covet the lonely dreams of youth Let the magic flow inside of me I weep for my illsuions of you I dream of you and the Sweet little kisses you place on me Wrap up your smile and give it to me To have when I'm not with you To look at when your away To kiss when you're not here I love the endearments you give It feels like a victory The night is my companion The solitude my guide Would I spend forever here And not be satisfied? Sarah MacLachlan, "Possession" |
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| © Copyright 2000 Rhiannon - All Rights Reserved | |||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This was great. I liked the title and i think the poem is wonderful to match. Great job in the expression here. I would think it'd feel like a victory and i hope everything happens to ensure that you attain that feeling.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Hey! So sweet, I loved it. The wording was great, and it jsut came together with this bit of flare. Great job.  ~Carly |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
"It feels like a victory" I think that's a really great ending. The whole thing is very well done, thanks for sharing it! "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!! http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Rhiannon Member
since 1999-07-28
Posts 95Fayetteville, TN USA |
Thank you to all who posted! i love it when one of my poems gets a good response. much appreciated love leslie The night is my companion The solitude my guide Would I spend forever here And not be satisfied? Sarah MacLachlan, "Possession" |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
I enjoyed this poem. It's such a great feeling when you find someone who can overwhelm you so much. I hope this is true for you. Great writing. Jon |
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Kandi Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 354North of Hell |
I agree with Lakewalker - I really loved the last line. Great cLosing. This poEm was just awesome - there's Nothing i can really saY that will do it jusTice so I'm just goIng to leave it at thiS. ~Kris ~*Things you see the way you see them will never be seen again*~ ~When it comes to me, you have to stretch your definition of normal a little bit.~ |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
"Wrap up your smile and give it to me To have when I'm not with you" This is a wonderful piece. The dreams of youth are a wonderful thing, and you describe it all so well. Keep up the great work! False gems may shine as brightly as the genuine article, but there are always those who can tell the difference. |
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DreamerGrl27 Member
since 2000-10-29
Posts 142 |
I loved this...I really felt what you were trying to say. Maybe because I have these dreams every night. I loved the part where you said, "Wrap up your smile and give it to me/to have when I'm not with you." I wish I could do that too. |
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Lani_DarkOne Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 152UK |
Full of atmosphere...I really liked the whole tone of it..keep posting "Controlling my feelings for too long.... And forcing our darkest souls to unfold... And pushing us into self-destruction...." *~Muse*~ |
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