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Ender
Member

since 1999-12-08

Posts 200
Yuma, AZ USA

0 posted 2000-10-27 01:25 AM

*note*---yeah i know this style is different, but i enjoy the challenge of writing like this. tell me what u think.

*********************

Marriage, as a thought
Sure is a lot
Think, as I do
Do we have a clue?

The future, it shall be
Let us wait, let us see
Predict, we have done
Now, time for the fun

Together, time is spent
We will know if this is meant
Us, we shall be
Together, from sea to sea

Wonderful day, when it appears
Our love will be with many tears
Together, I want to be
With you, my bride to be

Hopes, high as they are
Just think how far
My love, endless for you
I hope you love me too

Now wait, we must
For our life ahead, full of lust
The future, unknown
Only to be wished and shown

There, we are for each other
Like a baby bird and its mother
There, we shall stay
Until that wonderful, beautiful day

< !signature-->

*Blonde people are normal. Everyone else is just strange. -Ender*

[This message has been edited by Ender (edited 10-27-2000).]

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

1 posted 2000-10-27 01:50 PM

Hey. This was really cool!! It was a really different format, which I liked. Great job.

~Carly

The grindstone of life will either polish us or wear us down, depending on what we're made of.

Erin
Member Elite

since 2000-06-15

Posts 2527
~Chicago~

2 posted 2000-10-27 01:53 PM

I like this!!!You did a good job on it...I like that you looked into your future and seen what you wanted to...Or something like that...Thanks for sharing!!!

~*Love is sometimes like a rose. Beautiful in the beginning but dies in the end.*~

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2000-10-27 04:15 PM

I liked this style a lot except for two lines......they didnt make sense to me in this poem
"Our love will be with many tears"
"For our life ahead, full of lust"

OK the first line is like.....your love is sad.....with tears.......that really didn't quite make sense since your trying to state that its all gonna be peachy keen.

And the second......the lust part. Lust is usually a physical aspect of love and that's about it. It's like.....when people say you're just with lust.....then its only for sex.
So either im thinkin this wrong.....which yea i know you meant otherwise......and i understand it from your point of view....but im just saying......it's too general for me to comprehend what you fully meant.
good job though

"I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust."

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

4 posted 2000-10-27 06:08 PM

I really like the way this is written, it flows good and sounds good. Very good job on this poem

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!!

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