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Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

0 posted 2000-10-24 06:48 PM

NOte: Today's poems aren't up to my likings...but hey....whatever floats your boat, right? RIGHT!

Free Hell:

My everlasting thought
That thought not of itself.
Weeping willows of now,
Dripping rain of past.

Praising a lord untold.
Wishing for a wish
That lays within the
Boundaries of illogical minds.

I know not of where
The smiling clouds have gone.
I care not of where
My past has lead me.

Alone in a cell of time
Surrounded by dead, black walls.
I've lost the my in self.
I'm trapped in a free flow hell.

"I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust."

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

1 posted 2000-10-24 06:53 PM

Hey man. Eh, I liked it. It floated mah boat..heh. well stay koo man. tootelz

~Carly

The grindstone of life will either polish us or wear us down, depending on what we're made of.

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

2 posted 2000-10-25 01:49 PM

"Alone in a cell of time
Surrounded by dead, black walls.
I've lost the my in self.
I'm trapped in a free flow hell."

this stanza seems really good to me for some reason, I really like it. of course the other ones were fine, but this one stuck out to me for some reason. Well anyway Dopey, why don't you think this one is "up to my likings"? Is there something specific you don't like about it?

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2000-10-25 01:58 PM

i dont like how its written. I dont know...something about this poem doesnt appeal to me. It's like.....my thoughts were in the right place, but the way i expressed it was not my intention at all.

"I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust."

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

4 posted 2000-10-26 04:37 PM

"Praising a lord untold.
Wishing for a wish
That lays within the
Boundaries of illogical minds."

I don't see why your own poem doesn't appeal to you. great writing though, whether you like it or not

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR

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