ironic look at a few things...

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Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

0 posted 2000-10-22 07:40 PM

this is pretty crazy but every line has meaning...

UNTITLED

Bitter tears stand frozen
On the cheeks of the girl
Meadowlark whispers
You're caught in the whirl.

The snowflakes are falling
In the midst of July
And there weeps the girl
As a snowplow goes by.

There's a fly in your soup
And a coin in your ear
Malnutrition, your ali
But long live the deer!

Take a breath, take a pause
You deserve a small nap!
Trouble is, don't forget
To arise from your trap.

So long to the troubles,
Farewell to the tears!
Au revoir to your lovers
Dead over the years.

Ah yes, now you see!
The truth's finally shown!
There's a rip in the socks
That your grandma has sewn.

Must escape from mad laughter
And all things below!
On travels the crucifix
Of your lonely scarecrow.

The people walking in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death
a light has dawned.
~Isaiah 9:1-2

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

1 posted 2000-10-22 07:45 PM

Hey! I liked this poem a lot! It was very unique but it flowed nicely and had a lot of meaning to it. Great job!!

jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

2 posted 2000-10-22 08:31 PM

very cool, liked the rhyme scheme here, it was kind of spontaneous and melodramatic, i loved it!

jeremy r

"...if you've never met me, then you've no right to judge me. I have a good heart, but this heart can get ugly." ~DMX~

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2000-10-22 08:35 PM

This was great. I liked a few lines in this poem due to their mysterious symbolism. Very well done.

"I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust."

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!

CLBinLOVE
Member

since 2000-06-04

Posts 147
Hilton Head, SC, USA

4 posted 2000-10-22 09:22 PM

hmm, sounds like the music i listen to, all it nees is symbols crashing and an electric guitar lol
but seriously it was really good, well written and had meaning that were like right there on the tips of my fingers where i couldnt grab them but i stink at symbolism anyway so excuse my un needed and ill worded advise
hehe

always follow your heart, never follow others unless it is truely where you want to go, and never give up a dream, maybe just set it aside for a while... :)

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

5 posted 2000-10-22 09:22 PM

Awesome!!! You're imagination is tremendous. Your outlook in life and your expressions of it is totally unique. Keep writing and keep sharing

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

6 posted 2000-10-23 03:11 PM

Well this is really good writing! Like the others, I think it flowed well and sounded good. I like it a lot

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!!

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