»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #3
»
I need a little help here.....
| Teen Poetry #3 |
|
I need a little help here..... |
|
|
DragonFang Senior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 522Missouri, USA |
Okay, I need a little help here. There is this girl that I'm going to ask out on saturday. I met her through a mutual friend, and, I've started to really like her. So I, naturally, wrote a poem to express my feelings which I am going to give to her on saturday (when we and the rest of our mutual friends, go to the corn maze). ANYWAY, The poem is kinda cut into two pieces, and the second half works quite well w/o the first half, but both halfs also work quite well together. So, my query to all of you out there who share my passion for poetry is, do I use the complete thing? or just the last four line stanza's? Or maybe if I should scrap the whole thing and start again. Well, here is the poem: Stefanie, I've not known you that long, But what I feel is far from wrong. I can not give you much, And as such This is what I'll do, This I give as a gift to you: I give my heart, That we may never part; I give my ears, So I'll always listen when you have tears; I give you my mouth, So that I might speak this solem vow: Stefanie, I cherish you More than the stars in the sky More than a summer-mornin's dew And I do not wonder why I have long sought something to be precious to me, Something that might set my heart free, And I've found something better than any gem of the sea, For now, I have found thee. "Sa souvraya niende missian ye." \ I am lost in my own mind. |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Samson C. Justice - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
luvnkris Member
since 2000-08-31
Posts 144Perth, Australia |
hey, this is really sweet. and i dont think you need to change it all! its great ey! and i'm sure she'd love it!  good luck with her!!Luv Jo xoxoxo * never live a second without being grateful for all you have around you* |
||
xShUgArHiGhx 
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
I thought this poem was great! The girl will totally melt into your arms!! Very sweet...dont change a thing!! |
||
|
Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I would give her the whole poem, but that's just my opinion And you better write a poem so we know how it went!! ...and whatever you do, don't chicken out and not tell her at all..."Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!! |
||
|
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
OK well this is MY opinion and i'll give you both sides to the possibilities here....negative and positive.....first negative. NEGATIVE: It's SO damn sweet. The poem states that you would never part with her and that she means, well, basically the WORLD to you and such. You met her Saturday! Now i don't doubt anything, although i usually tend to doubt what us teenagers percieve to be "love". But anyway, let's just say you do feel this greatly for this woman and could inevitably love her and vice-versa......it's great but the poem is deep and has strong feeling. I know a lot of girls who would be like "uhhhhh....." and basically freak out and run off. Not all girls like poetry and not all girls like comitment and that sort of thing. So when they see a man falling hard for them, they freak out and ditch the whole thing, or try to slow you down a bit. POSITIVE: She could be swept off her feet and inevitably fall in love with you and you live happily ever after. She might find this utterly sweet and just shed a tear or two and think "damn, this guy isn't like all the rest....he's different....and i think i'm falling for him even harder now than before!"..... ok so obviously i've given you the WHOLE VIEW POINT. I hope the + comes out rather than the -. Do not be offended in any way, you wanted some help.....some im just giving you the pro's and con's. If you do give her the poem i prefer the last two 4 versed stanzas. That's just my opinion......later!  "I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust." I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them! |
||
|
Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Hey, I thought this was great. It's really sweet. Well, Dopey did make a good point, I know that, depending on the guy, I'd freak out myself, but that isn't always a bad thing. I especially liked the last stanzas. Well...I really don't know much to tell you here....just think about how she'll react..good luck Bel |
||
|
DragonFang Senior Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 522Missouri, USA |
Thanks all for your help. First off, I'd like to point out that Stef ALREADY knows that I really like her, and also, that we didn't meet saturday, but, this UPCOMING saturday a group of us (friends and such) are going out to the cornmaze. Also, I already know that she likes me, and I'm fairly sure that she'll say yes (okay, so I am sure) but, I'm just a romantic at heart so, I had to do something special when I ask. And don't worry, ~_~ I'll let ya'll know how it goes. Thanks again for your opinions. "Sa souvraya niende missian ye." \ I am lost in my own mind. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
