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Teen Poetry #3
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jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair

0 posted 2000-10-12 11:43 PM


Silence leads emptiness
Insists upon our whispers
Like winds on a dark night
Moon alone for us to see
Don't say a word to me
Let me watch your glow
Noise distracts my visions
Me and you, skies of heaven
Chills of delight and cold
Leave us together and close
Under the moons shiny coat
Looking down, upon our sight
Luring plot feels so perfect
Let this last for eternity, or
For a minute, or an hour
Just for a moment let it be
Anything is good enough
As long as things are the same
The next time, the setting
Oh so right, and lovely beauty
The touch, and feel remain calm
Presence breaks barriers
These walls of nervosity
Let it be, this perfect night
Full of what remains silence


"I will know where I'm headed, 'cause I'm so tired of the suffering,
I stand before you, a weakened version of your reflection."
~DMX~ "Prayer III"

© Copyright 2000 Jeremy Daniel Raulinaitis - All Rights Reserved
Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
1 posted 2000-10-13 03:24 PM


I read this a couple times and I think these thoughts of everything being perfect are great jeremy.  I like how this is written.  This part is my favorite:

"Let this last for eternity, or
For a minute, or an hour
Just for a moment let it be"


"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!!

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
2 posted 2000-10-13 05:47 PM


Nice job man, i like the part that lake walker pointed out and i loved the part of "moons shiny coat". I thought it was nice and sweet. Great job bud!!



"I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust."

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!

jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
3 posted 2000-10-13 10:05 PM


thanks, it was my first attempt with free verse.

"I will know where I'm headed, 'cause I'm so tired of the suffering,
I stand before you, a weakened version of your reflection." "...if you've never

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