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Teen Poetry #3
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Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

0 posted 2000-10-11 11:14 AM


You say that I should have told you,
there had to be something you could do.
But I didn't think you'd listen to me,
so I didn't tell you the truth.
I guess you could say I lied,
but I wasn't the only one.
I stayed at home, waiting for you,
while you had loads of fun.
You didn't seem to care about me,
you only cared about yourself,
what to do to pass the time,
I put my heart on a shelf.
I know you think I'm selfish,
and that I don't think of you.
But you don't hear me when I cry,
so what am I supposed to do?
Tell you that I love you?
I thought you already knew that.
WOuld you tell me that you loved me?
no, I didn't think you'd do that.


Don't wander throught this glassy surface, expecting to find more than me, because what I am without a purpose, but a lone mirage to see.

© Copyright 2000 Allysa - All Rights Reserved
Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
1 posted 2000-10-11 02:39 PM


As I said before my advice is always horrible, so I'll leave that to the other people here   This poem flows well and I like how it's written.  It really tells your thoughts.  The end of this is great!
"Tell you that I love you?
I thought you already knew that.
WOuld you tell me that you loved me?
no, I didn't think you'd do that."


"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Me!!

Caz
Member
since 2000-09-13
Posts 133
ConcepciĆ³n, Chile
2 posted 2000-10-11 03:34 PM


Ok, well I can help you, but I need to know what's the problem... so email me or send an ICQ message. Well, it's a good poem, I also think that the end is great... I love poems with great endings. Well, so if you need my help, just contact me.
Your friend,
                 Caz

It's been raining since you left me.

Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden
3 posted 2000-10-11 03:42 PM


Hmmm, Lakewalker, maybe you're right for a change about advice. your's is horrible (J/K of course!!!) Ya know I love ya all!!!

Caz, maybe I will e mail ya. When I get around to it.

Don't wander throught this glassy surface, expecting to find more than me, because what I am without a purpose, but a lone mirage to see.

Monica Ash
Junior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 17

4 posted 2000-10-11 04:45 PM


That was a good poem I could really tell how you felt!!!!!! Check out my two new poems Loving Willy and Remembering the night we ment and tell me what you think..
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