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Teen Poetry #3
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Retrospectively Alone
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Retrospectively Alone |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico 
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Retrospectively Alone: My life's a cloud whisking away. My future is bleak in every way. Lords of nature, bishop of time Is there not a talking mime? Taking out the fool in me. Pinning it to eternity. Walking on the transparent floor Leading up to my golden door. Witty thought, sarcastic smile. Addition of another mile. Final connection in the end, But for now I am my only friend.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Pepe de la Muerte - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Pixie-Babe03 Member
since 2000-08-29
Posts 387Central Maine |
haha sorry my replies to your work are so repetative LOL but i love it! it is so great  you are very talented |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Hey that's really good, I know what that feels like. lol.....you have talent...I think I said that before..well keep it up. hasta luego Bel |
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emptyness Member
since 2000-03-09
Posts 95mobile,Ala,USA |
wounderful i like the "lords of nature, bishop of time" part also the "transparent floor" "scribere iussit amor" love commanded me to write "Cogito ergo sum"-I think, therefore I exist |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Great job javi. I can actually connect with this somewhat... ~carly Better days are on the way, my friend, just a ways on down the line. I believe that just around the bend, everythings gonna be fine... |
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shadydaze Member
since 2000-10-02
Posts 85 |
great flow. this is a really great poem, and you are a really great poet! |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
"Taking out the fool in me. Pinning it to eternity. Walking on the transparent floor Leading up to my golden door." Great thoughts in this Javier ... it reminded me of a line from an old Charles Bronson movie ... "and miles to go before I sleep". I like the descriptive and almost cryptic/hidden quality in your writing ... keep up the great work! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Jose Marti Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 374washing DC |
great poem I've been gone for a while, I hope that I haven't missed too much this poem is very good. you master this language like none other. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I really appreciate all the comment and i especially liked what Kit said about my "cryptic/hidden quality style of writing" comment. I have never looked at it like that. I thought it was pretty kick ass. Anyway, thanks all. I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Another interesting thought Dopey. I really liked the ending of this: "Final connection in the end, But for now I am my only friend." |
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