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Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

0 posted 2000-09-20 03:31 PM

Soaring through the open sky
I have done it, I can fly!
Up through the great and wonderous blue
Now they'll say I've flown like few
With wings I climb the clouds you see
"Not near the sun," my father's plea
But marvelous are the sights from here
The sun now hot and very near
And falling from this open sky
I see that I will soon die

This is an adaptation of the story of Icharus flying into the sun that I had to do for English class last year. What do you think of it?

[This message has been edited by Lakewalker (edited 09-20-2000).]

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

1 posted 2000-09-20 04:00 PM

Hmm...I think you did a marvelous job of telling Icharus' story! I really liked it. Betcha got an A...good work again.

~Carly

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

2 posted 2000-09-20 05:34 PM

This is a wonderful re-telling of the timeless story of Icharus. The only complaint that I have is that it's a little too short. I could have read about this all day!

False gems may shine as brightly as the genuine article, but there are always those who can tell the diffrence.

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

3 posted 2000-09-20 06:08 PM

Excellent Lakewalker ... what a perfect flow and rendition! Well done!

Best wishes,
/Kit

StarPryncess17
Senior Member

since 2000-05-31

Posts 932
Colorado

4 posted 2000-09-20 07:41 PM

Much enjoyed this one!! It was great! You did an excellent job of re-telling it. I have always enjoyed this story and you did well! I wish I had wings, but they wouldn't be wax...and even if they were...I'd stay the hell away from the sun! hehe

Keep it up!
Love Always
~*~Jessica~*~

< !signature-->

~*~sMiLe! It MaKeS yOuR bUtT ShInE~*~

[This message has been edited by StarPryncess17 (edited 09-20-2000).]

Alwye

Moderator

Member Elite

since 1999-06-16

Posts 3850
In the space between moments

5 posted 2000-09-20 09:56 PM

A wonderful retelling Lakewalker! I enjoyed!

*Krista Knutson*

"Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart." -Confucious

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

6 posted 2000-09-21 03:34 PM

Thank you all, I'm glad you enjoyed it

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

7 posted 2000-09-22 01:34 PM

I liked this poem. It was short and compelling. Good job bud

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

8 posted 2000-09-22 04:47 PM

Thanks Dopey_Dope

Lani_DarkOne
Member

since 2000-05-28

Posts 152
UK

9 posted 2000-09-23 08:04 AM

'greatly put'...nice reading it..

"Controlling my feelings for too long....
And forcing our darkest souls to unfold...
And pushing us into self-destruction...."
*~Muse*~

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

10 posted 2001-03-30 04:02 PM

Good job, I always did like this story.
I think the last line needs more syllables, personally. Other than that, you did a fine job of bringing the story to a poetic form.

~Allan

Its rather handy being at the top of the food chain...you can sort things out and not get the blame for it. ~~Elizabeth Johnson (anonymousfemale)

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