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Teen Poetry #3
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anomaly187
Member
since 2000-06-15
Posts 284
San Francisco,CA,US

0 posted 2000-09-10 09:20 PM



i stare in wonder at my shimmering past that hangs in the clouds
a raven as black as the unknown fly's through me in it's last attempt at death
and all the while a dark figure in the dead of night whispers in my ear,
'there nothing left to do'
'there's not much left to loose'

loneliness and nothingness attack like the razor in my hand
two forces of magnificent power tear my body apart from its seams
the single tear that is shed freezes like my mind in winter
the maggots of repossession building inside my stomach have started to eat
and i lost myself when searching for love
but i found myself when waiting for death

'there's nothing left to do'
i'm too tired to use myself
'there's nothing left to loose'
i'm too tired today to live
i am already dead within my head
and the cliffs of composure await my arrival
i'm even too tired to jump

Now night arrives with her purple legions
Retire now to your tents & to your dreams
Tomorrow we enter the town of my birth
I want to be ready. - JM

© Copyright 2000 Alexei - All Rights Reserved
Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
1 posted 2000-09-10 10:14 PM


Kick ass anomaly! Once again another great poem!  I like the lines about you loosing yourself in love but finding yourself in death. very depressive, i can relate.

The ending is amazing. Its so tiresome to read hahaha, its like i feel the feeling of the poem. You're just too tired to even kill yourself and i was like ".......im tired"... hahaha i dont know, im weird. I loved the poem though. GREAT!



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.


Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
2 posted 2000-09-11 01:59 PM


I like this too   It's very expressive and deep, great job!  
anomaly187
Member
since 2000-06-15
Posts 284
San Francisco,CA,US
3 posted 2000-09-11 08:37 PM


well thank you two for replying..i wrote that a few nights ago in a particular time of distress..but what can i do?..well i'm starting to think i should purely write a lot of love poems with the word cute and sweet in the titles becasue that might be the only way i can get a lot of response..oh well...just trying to bump this up a little.

Now night arrives with her purple legions
Retire now to your tents & to your dreams
Tomorrow we enter the town of my birth
I want to be ready. - JM

Child of the Stars
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Senior Member
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI
4 posted 2000-10-22 06:37 PM



  I was just lookin thru some old poems on here and I came across this...it is amazing.......wow...........im speechless...
   ~Carly

The people walking in darkness
have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of the shadow of death
a light has dawned.
~Isaiah 9:1-2

CLBinLOVE
Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 147
Hilton Head, SC, USA
5 posted 2000-10-22 09:02 PM


nahh its not the love poems that get responses its the "PLEASE READ RESPOND NOW I WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU THINK" that gets the cake hehe
but anyway....wow, this was...IS one of the best poems ive read, maybe ill try that style of writing, usually i jus rhyme words together and thats getting old but this...this i really really like!


always follow your heart, never follow others unless it is truely where you want to go, and never give up a dream, maybe just set it aside for a while... :)

Jenn Cirrincione
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Member Elite
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107
Fl
6 posted 2000-10-22 10:31 PM


Good poem, kinda sad though. The only thing that bothers me is that loose should read lose in the context you're using it in.... other than that..... good work.
Jenn

"Guess I'm not smart, I let you un-nerve me, I let you control me; afraid the truth would hurt me, when it's you that hurts me more." TLC

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