I need some real opinons ...can be harsh im ready.

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Teen Poetry #3

I need some real opinons ...can be harsh im ready.

The Mike Sacks
Member

since 1999-08-29

Posts 129
brooklyn ny

0 posted 2000-08-16 06:57 AM

The birds join in
in sweet symphony
everybody gathers
just to here her sing.
Share her pretty smile
and life story
all the forests gather
just to here her sing.

Under the moonlight
using stars as her spot light
She sings the world to sleep
and to sleep they go
but nobody knows
if ever again they will here her sing

The cherry blossoms came
and the cherry blossoms stayed
as her voice gently
wisked them away
but then morning came
an d she went away
and i know i will never be the same.

One day I will be famous and all the people who were ever my friends will have me by there side when ever they need me to be there.

And all the people who are there talking behind my back an saying stuff bout me,will never see me again,and to all of them this is wat i have to say

"Yeah, now I'm big and important
One angry dwarf and 200 solemn faces are you
If you really want to see me check the papers and the TV
Look who's telling who what to do
Kiss my *** goodbye"

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

1 posted 2000-08-16 07:40 AM

Beautiful sentiments ... just lovely!

I noticed in your title you wanted some extra opinions, we have a new forum especially for that called "Teen Explorer"! If you go to this link, it will tell you more about how it works ... have fun!
/pip/Forum36/HTML/001065.html

Best wishes,
/Kit

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

2 posted 2000-08-16 07:28 PM

Hey!! This was soo sweet. Beautifully put together. Reminds me of Sleeping Beauty when she sings in the forest and he hears her and realizes shes the one

Soo enchanting hehe ok im getting carried away sorry!...keep writing!

~!*DQ*!~

"One fine day you'll look at me and know that love was meant to be"
~Carol King

Salooma
Senior Member

since 2000-01-28

Posts 781

3 posted 2000-08-16 07:42 PM

This was just beautiful and it's really nice to see ya back her mike....i think your poem reminded me of snowwhite and the seven dwarfs, maybe it's a disney theme (right DQ?) I guess it's the forest and the birds and the singining thing. But I thought it was really nice...I don't think we need to be harsh at all!

salooma

Erin
Member Elite

since 2000-06-15

Posts 2527
~Chicago~

4 posted 2000-08-17 01:33 AM

mike~~~i give you 2 thumbs up...very good job!!!its perfect (in my opinion) the way it is!!!

DQ and Salooma~~~reminds me more of a cinderella type deal...when she runs off after the clock strikes..."and she went away"...you know she ran off not know if he was ever gonna see her again...

~*~TrUe LoVe Is ThE cLoSeSt ThInG tO hEaVen~*~

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.