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Dark Poetry #2
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Hell
| Dark Poetry #2 |
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Hell |
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Xeonox
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764CA, USA 
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Intent look at the sun I perceive apocolyptic vision, < !signature-->Smelling a flower I watch the end of a life, Tasting a tart bring forth the burning senstation of hot coils, Listening to your heart, I heed no soul, Touching your lips I sense coldness, Is this hell? Ronil (What I say I live by and what I live by is what I create). [This message has been edited by Xeonox (edited 07-18-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Ronil B Tataria - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
I can definitely feel the cold heat from this piece, yet somehow... I feel it "lacking" a wee bit. Perhaps you could expand a bit on the concept and provide us with a more fleshed out piece? would really like to see that!!!  Chris |
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Deborah1 Senior Member
since 2000-06-22
Posts 653New Hampshire |
Senses gone...no smell, taste..yes that could be hell for me. I like this, felt this had nice imagery. Good Job!!!! |
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Hardrock Senior Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 948New Hampshire, USA |
Xeonox...I understand what you are saying. When warmth in a relationship is gone, it CAN be hell. Nice read. Hardrock |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Yes, I think it is hell, that coldness. Great poem. "If a man moves you to feel like a woman, the least you can do is let him." Merrit Malloy |
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Justbleu Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329Oregon, Originally From Alaska :) |
Most definitely could be HELL!!! Nice!! Bridgette  "Somewhere, somehow, it should be possible to touch someone and never let go again. To hold someone, not for a moment but forever." Unknown |
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