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ChibiDeathscythe
Member

since 2000-06-09

Posts 128

0 posted 2000-06-16 12:45 PM

I began to write poetry less then a year ago. This piece was almost a turning point, where my work began to develop and not be so...aloof. I hope you enjoy it.

Yesterday I died inside
and could not let it show
I want to go to the sea
and see her edges reach out
for the shore she hugs like a mother

I want to go to the sea
and intimately tame
her velvet expanses
and gaze at the moon
she reflects like a father

I want to lie in the sand
and hear your voice
in the wind blowing in
from the rocky shores
she harbors like a brother

I want to breath the air
that surrounds the fog of dawn
and feel the dew form on my
body under the sunrise
she endears like a sister

"Suicides have already betrayed the body.
Still born, they don't always die,
bu dazzled, they can't forget a drug so sweet
that even children would look on and smile."
-- "Wanting to Die" by Anne Sexton

Adversity Builds character. - Japanese Proverb

"'Even a fool has one talent'.....darn, I'm not even a fool." - My sister, the master of cunning wit

Forrest Cain
Member

since 2000-04-21

Posts 306
Chas.,W.V. USA

1 posted 2000-06-16 06:11 AM

Very nice comparison of self to earth.
I don`t know how much time you spent writing this, but it would have taken me months.
Gaia/Girl such a beautiful thing. You write
well and have a real talent. I feel very fortunate to have been the first to read
and comment on this. And no Isis didn`t threaten me. I post most of my stuff on critical analysis. Their not bashful
and really dissect your work and teach
you a lot. And I agree with isis o responses
on a poem of this caliber is ridiculous.

your friend forrest
who will read and comment
on all your poems.

taramw
Senior Member

since 2000-06-08

Posts 738

2 posted 2000-06-16 08:00 AM

I am totally ecstatic over your poem!

For starters, you state "not to be so... aloof". I have just been reading about aloofness in the Celestine Prophecy... so this wasn't a coincidence!

Then your poem touches my heart in that special place... *sigh* Hmm... I wrote a poem early this month along similar lines! I LOVED it!

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

3 posted 2000-06-16 09:15 AM

I have read this many, many times. You've only been writing such a short time and yet you have made the sea, nature emotional. The ocean and the sea are so alive in myself right now as I have just visited the ocean for the first time. Your word phrasing and imagery were outstanding. Keep it up.

Kathleen

"How do I love thee? Let
me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace." Elizabeth Barrett Browning

ChibiDeathscythe
Member

since 2000-06-09

Posts 128

4 posted 2000-06-17 01:44 PM

I am very honored by all your responses!

I will be looking for you new poems too. My internet line screws up from time to time :\ so if I don't post in passions for a while thats why

You have my eternal gratitude

"Suicides have already betrayed the body.
Still born, they don't always die,
bu dazzled, they can't forget a drug so sweet
that even children would look on and smile."
-- "Wanting to Die" by Anne Sexton

Adversity Builds character. - Japanese Proverb

"'Even a fool has one talent'.....darn, I'm not even a fool." - My sister, the master of cunning wit

Portia
Member

since 2000-05-18

Posts 157

5 posted 2000-06-18 11:45 AM

I love the metaphor here. "Velvety expanses" is such a great phrase. The images you present of the "family" are all wonderful, with the sea-as-mother the central point of them all. I really enjoyed this.

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

6 posted 2000-06-18 01:56 PM

Very beautiful work. I like the way in which you've used similes to compare the different phenomena of the ocean to family life.

Great work.

We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without color,
Paralyzed force, gesture without motion;

--T.S. Eliot

Jeremiah Johnson
Senior Member

since 2000-06-08

Posts 1223
Brooksville, Fl, U.S

7 posted 2000-06-18 01:59 PM

this is a great poem. i do love your imagery that you use. to express the sea. and i do love the beach

I'm the lord, I'm the havoc, I'm the soul

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