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Thirty Three Words
| Dark Poetry #2 |
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Thirty Three Words |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396
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Thirty Three Words stainless steel encounters playing caddy to droplets red reflection blurred tears trickling down cheeks purple and twisted distorted from your love draining the effects of bottled hate washing away the nights of cold. |
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| © Copyright 2000 SpitFire - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Very intersting usage of action words while adhering to minimalistic guidelines. Very impacting. Sounds a bit like sexual auto-asphyxiation: "cheeks/purple/and/twisted/distorted/from/your/love". On the lighter side, taking these 33 words and rearranging them would make for an interestingly morose Seuss style of writing.  Alicat, the Persnikitty As I sit here dimly thinking Watching modem lights a-blinking Churning out poetic hash. Lord, in all Your piety, Help me keep my sanity: Please don't let the modem crash! --Alicat |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~Rearrange,rearrange!!! Would love to see the result. (go on). *Peace. |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Well, I wasn't quite clear on the message here, but liked the way it sounded anyway  "If a man moves you to feel like a woman, the least you can do is let him." Merrit Malloy |
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insect Senior Member
since 2000-04-22
Posts 1014 |
Thirty Four Letters S U P E R C A L I F R A G I L I S T I C E X P I A L I D O C I O U S |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
SF, You speak volumes in 33 words my friend. Powerful and mighty writing!!!  LW Poetry should surprise by fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. -J.Keats |
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Click Member
since 2000-06-11
Posts 202USA |
Cool!! I think I have bought there a time or three!!! Click |
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lotharingia Senior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 897saarbruecken, Germany |
I kind of feel like a dimwit after reading alicat's reply.  I mean what can one add to that?You've outdone yourself with the title here, a really original one! And I like the idea of having a list of words: very well done. And the poem itself is also really good. What an image! I see someone crying away the pain of a bad relationship. Lotharingia "For God's sake, he's a poet. Poets are meant to feel miserable. Otherwise, what the hell are they here for? What are they going to write about?" Tom Holland |
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EagleOne Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829Between a laugh and a tear... |
3 or 33, your words are always powerful. God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Unknown |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
SpitFire, no matter how many or how little words your poems still blow me away, especially the last few which have been very intense. I hope every thing is ok. Take care and peace. "I've been too honest with myself I should have lied like everybody else" faster-Manic street preachers. |
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Hardrock Senior Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 948New Hampshire, USA |
SF...I find that by adding pauses or linking words I can change the meaning slightly...nice work. In fact, it's brilliant. Hardrock |
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Portia Member
since 2000-05-18
Posts 157 |
Spitfire, this one put a knot in my stomach. I think that is a testiment to its realism. *shudder* |
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Verve Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 348Singapore |
WOW ... this is so awesome!!! |
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Wren Member
since 2000-07-05
Posts 312 |
That was some 33 words! wow! -Wren The thread of destiny Unknown by anyone Unseen by anyone Winds around your heart Moist with tears -Vampire Princess Miyu Theme |
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a-alibaster Member
since 2000-01-08
Posts 392 |
Spitfire..... THIS IS WONDERFUL!!! 33 words that say so much together or alone!! I love it!!! "There is an alter ego which dwells in every soul..." a-alibaster "I am as I am, nothing more, nothing less, I am tears of pain, tears of Death. |
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Magebeast Member
since 2000-07-19
Posts 60 |
*ponders* Very very interesting, Spitfire. Good, like everything else of your's I've read. |
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Jeremiah Johnson Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223Brooksville, Fl, U.S |
this is a great piece so right and percise. i enjoyed this alot and i had to print it cause so much is said. I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson- |
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