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Dark Poetry #2
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Taking Me.
| Dark Poetry #2 |
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Taking Me. |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396
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Taking Me Thick and rich,...and deep, deep red, staining me,...covering and consuming, as I walk through this cold, harsh city. Through crowds with blank stares, eyes of glass right through me. Never an offering,...a hand, as I walk this evil land. Maybe I'm not here, how could they look right past? Black tears and blood red soaked skin,...clothing... ~dripping~ Stumbling towards nothing,...no answers. Your little voice comes creeping back and I grit my broken teeth and try like hell to push you back, into that hole of hell you came through. Your torturing laugh,...stinging my ears. You are evil, you are overwhelming my mind. Cobblestones and pigeons in the way of my feet. Obstacles, as are these lifeless bodies that brush my shoulder as they pass. I'm crying and bleeding,.. and I'm unseen, unheard,...and unkept. Feet dirty, and lost, pushing you away. Your sick voice, torturing me. As the night approaches day, taking over... taking me. |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Spitfire, very dark. I remember once having a sort of a panic attack in a mall. Everything seemed to be closing in on me and the noise of people talking was deafening. It was a scary experience. Powerful and intense, excellent poem. You are evil, you are overwhelming my mind. Cobblestones and pigeons in the way of my feet. Obstacles, as are these lifeless bodies that brush my shoulder as they pass. I'm crying and bleeding,.. ------------------------ "Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time". Baltimore Grotto "To be nobody-but-yourself-in a world which is doing its best night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." E.E Cummings. "Art is a lie which makes us realise the truth." Pablo Picasso "You do not destroy an idea by killing people; you replace it with a better one". Edward Keating ----- |
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
Really evil and dark piece. I was filled with black descriptions 'till the end. Good work. Joy |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Great work hon, I too was filled with darkness throughout this piece, tis awful to feel consumed this way. Hope you don't, and where in OZ do you go walking at night? Even over here it is becoming dangerous to do so, hope this was all just a poetic dream.. *hugs* I'll tell you this...... No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn..... ~Isis~ (Goddess - Sovereign of the Spirit) |
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gothicmoth Member
since 2000-06-05
Posts 89 |
Excellent image here. It reminded me of all those hack'n'slash games. I really enjoyed it though. The rhythm and even the look of the poem conveyed it's meaning very well. Like a dagger or the way a pool is formed and then "~dripping~" as it finally spills over covering everything. ooooo goosebumps. |
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MiseryDivine Member
since 2000-06-13
Posts 114Chicago! en america...oh lala! i wish i lived in England.....(sigh) |
hey! i liked this...it was very kewl....i liked the way you portrayed darkness....keep it up! |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~Brian,...aagghh exactly!!! This happens to me,...where everyone around me's voices start sounding like that teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoon....muaooomuaoo...all mummbly and strung together and freaky...like fading out...shoot, you hit it. haha. Don't let me scare ya. Thank you for your comment. *Peace. ~Joy,...why thank you for taking the time to read and reply....very kind.  .~Isis,...sort of half dream maybe....sort of not. hehe. Thanks for reading and for your descriptive reply. ~Gothicmoth,...ahhh, thank you. Love the creative eye of yours....seeing the post that way. Oh, and goosebumps?...cool. Thank you. ~Misery Divine,...first off, Welcome here!!! Thank you ever so kindly for reading this and replying. Looking forward to a post from you. *Peace. |
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lotharingia Senior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 897saarbruecken, Germany |
This really is one scary number! How well you describe the oppression and horror that can sometimes overcome us, when we tear away that cherry coloured (haha) veil we need to weave to live life happily! Lotharingia "For God's sake, he's a poet. Poets are meant to feel miserable. Otherwise, what the hell are they here for? What are they going to write about?" Tom Holland |
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Click Member
since 2000-06-11
Posts 202USA |
I have felt alone but, not so lost... Click |
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LenMcC1 Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 68 |
Another excellent poem. I am just amazed at the imagery you are able to project. I really enjoy your writing style as well. |
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EagleOne Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829Between a laugh and a tear... |
I have to agree with LenMcC1 about the imagery of this, great work SpitFire! God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me. ~Unknown |
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Danny Holloway Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034Tulsa, OK |
Good poetry provokes feelings and emotion in a reader. You have accomplished that with this piece. ~~nice writing~~ |
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Joel the wolf Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 1333Angels Camp |
Very rich and definitely dark here kid. I love the graphics, love the fleeting run, from ?? and the cobblestones place you some where in England old days, with a crowd that doesn't care like now. broken teeth?? you must have scuffled with this thing, but you are out and looking for the light hence the reference to "As the night approaches day" from the dark into the light, it is beaten once again. love it all kid, wonderful. as you are. Joel.. I howl a mournful song, that echos within my chambered heart, for all to read? nay for all to feel. |
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hunter Junior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 22lex,ky |
very dark and powerful.i could feel myself there inside the words. |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Quite a good job! You seem to have a nack for making something very wild and out of control, but with precision. Great stuff! We are the hollow men We are the stuffed men Leaning together Headpiece filled with straw. Alas! Our dried voices, when We whisper together Are quiet and meaningless As wind in dry grass Or rats' feet over broken glass In our dry cellar Shape without form, shade without color, Paralyzed force, gesture without motion; --T.S. Eliot |
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