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Dark Poetry #2
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Girl Of My Dreamz
| Dark Poetry #2 |
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Girl Of My Dreamz |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio 
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hey yall back again. this is kinda a answer to dragonpoe's challange. she wanted me to try to woe the female readers  and to show the true romance and caring in my heart. well this is what i was trying to do. and in the state that i am in it was the best i could do. its still alittle sad but it is romantic. tell me what yall think. thanksGirl of my dreamz another lonely night another depressing day so now i drift off to sleep to dream my pain away i close my eyes and what do i see? my one true love standing there waiting for me i run to you and kiss you in a passionate embrace holding you so close to feel your little heart race looking deep into your eyes so beautiful and blue then wisper softly into your ear how much i love you now we take a walk down to the beach next to the sea not another soul around all alone just you and me i lay down a blanket and we sit down on the sand just watching the waves roll in and holding eachothers hands its starts to get dark now as the sun sets over yonder just the sound of your voice can make this angel purr i snuggle you tight and will never let you go you say that we will last forever and how much you love me so i take you by your hand and ask you to dance underneth that dixie moonlight it is such sweet romance we dance with no music at all moving with rythem of our hearts we dance like this for hours never wanting to be apart then we lay back down together just us and a bottle of wine if this moment could last forever that would be just fine i see you looking at me lovingly staring deep into my eyes then you hit me with a kiss that took me completly by surprize i melted in your arms right then and there my soul was all a flutter i was dancing on air then things started to get hotter as we gave into disire just the softness of your touch set my skin on fire i was in a daze i never felt this way before there was so much passion that night along that southern seashore but it all disappeared and everything was agian blue it all was a dream especialy of you i roll over to hold you only to find that i'm alone living off of dreamz and no one to call my own so i start the day with a cry tears falling oh so true wish i was back in my dreamz so then i could be back with you... Jesse C. Jaymz Once upon a time there was a light in my life, now theres only love in the dark, There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jesse Jaymz - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
No fair!! This sounds too familiar!!!! LOL Also read my post Jesse, you gotta be fair you know.. LOL Well for someone that wasn't feeling cheery this came out quite romantically. Nice to see a cheerier poem coming from you Jess. Big hugs, much love, Your Aussie Sis, Isis P.s. Catch you online later this evening, for now I have a date with my microphone!! *I believe every time you put your words to paper, you change. Each feeling is set free, and you may follow.....* ~Isis~~Sovereign of the Spirit. |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
my sister: yes it does dont it =) *thinks back* hehehehehe i have read your poem and about to reply to it after this. yes i can be very romantic at times. just wish i could write more like that. glad you liked it =) *hugs* love you sis your southern bro jesse Once upon a time there was a light in my life, now theres only love in the dark, There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. |
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qtpieelmo Senior Member
since 2000-07-04
Posts 989Sesame Street :) hee hee ,NY |
Awww this iss soo sad but soo sweet at the same time i loved it Another great one <3 Hugs N Kisses ELMO |
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Dream Chaser Junior Member
since 2000-11-21
Posts 32South Carolina |
I loved this one...I guess because much of the time I live in a dream world. What started off sad turned into a beautiful dream. Keep on, keeping on! |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Aha...some romantic desires and some hope for new possibilities...you still have your dream in all its splendor, with all of its desires, look around you and find the one who will share your dream...if you like...ha..you're a good writer...you must write good songs...take care..James |
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Kevin Rose Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 64Liverpool UK |
I like it a lot. pictures you paint are so clear. I can feel the sand and smell the salt, and I think the wine is starting to make me a little drunk! Hits close to home with my own experiences too, so I can really relate to it. a couple of small points... I am dyslexic and it can make some reading difficult. I was finding the lack of punctuation a little confusing at times and it threw me once or twice. The second thing was the rhytm of the poem.... so close.. the rhymes are excellent, but at times again I fould myself stumbling over the meter. I only critique the poems that I like and it is all only my own opinion, so feel free to ignore me, but I could go into specifics more if you wanted to work further on the piece. I think it warrants more work because it is beautiful.... If I was a lady I would be all yours  |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
qtpieelmo: thanks hun *hugs and kisses back at ya* glad to see you back =) Dream chaser: thank you so much. i am in that dream world too. see me i am behind that wall over there. hhehehehe. i will write you soon *hugs* James: now you got this rebel blushing. thank you. i do want my dreamz to come true. just have to get back to virginia to find them again. for that is where i left them. and thank you for the song comment. my music means alot to me. thank you again Kevin: thank you for the compliment. know any single women?? hehehehehe as for re writing it, i would have to pass. all of my writing i write it as i feel at that moment. i tried doing that. and i just couldnt. thank you for liking my work. it means alot to me that someone would read my work and want to improve on it. thank you my friend.Once upon a time there was a light in my life, now theres only love in the dark, There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. |
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Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
very sweet jesse...always enjoy your poems ~Victoria~ A poem is never finished, only abandoned. - Paul Valery (1871-1945) |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
I always enjoy reading your poems, Jesse and this one is so true. Well, I can't think of anything else to say, you've left me speechless. *hugz* Allysa I can't see at all. Even if I could it would all be gray, put your picture on my wall, it reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad. |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
Victoria: *hugs* thanks for the reply Allysa: i left you speechless? wow. that is a very big compliment to me. thank you so much. e-mail me sometime. we could talk. *hugs*love ya jesse Once upon a time there was a light in my life, now theres only love in the dark, There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
so now i drift off to sleep to dream my pain away I know this isn't the part you want to think of as touching me..but it is ..as I dream my pains away also...*s thank you for a nice read ~Wynter "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II |
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LM Senior Member
since 2000-08-03
Posts 585 |
Oh... sweet, Jessy. I'm constantly living in a dream myself, oh well, at least we have our dreams. What more can I say but - sweet dreams! Take Care! "Most girls want a man with the mean green Don't wanna dance if he can't be Everything that I dream up A man that understands real love" |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
nakdthoughts: i know exactly how you feel with the dreaming the pain away. i do that everynight. *hugs* thank you for the reply. LM: thank you hun. *hugs* yes me and you my be worlds apart but are still living off our dreamz. and i like that little comment about sweet dreamz. sweet dreamz to you to my friend. *hugs* love ya jesse Once upon a time there was a light in my life, now theres only love in the dark, There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. |
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G. A. Webb Member
since 2000-01-21
Posts 441Stanton, California, USA |
Hi Jess. You're right, this piece has a familliar ring about it and reminds me of some of my own work. How many times have I fell in love While drifting in a dream Only to find that I wake up With a cold and empty scream Alone is where I find myself And it would surely seem The only place that I find love Is lost within a dream See, I came up with that in the process of writing this reply. Thanks for the inspiration and thanks for sharing this piece. Very well done.  G Regret not that which you have done, Rather that which you haven't |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
g: thanks my friend. and that was also a nice little poem too. =) anytime i can inspire someone i feel happy. =) thanks again. keep writing. peace jesse Once upon a time there was a light in my life, now theres only love in the dark, There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. |
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Irie Senior Member
since 1999-12-01
Posts 1493Washington State |
Jesse Jamez.... This simply rocks! Why? Because you've written half of what's in my heart and dreams. You've done well with this challenge..... Enjoyed~ ~Sheri "The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first" |
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Irie Senior Member
since 1999-12-01
Posts 1493Washington State |
Uhhhhhhhh........ I guess I should add one thing to that reply. I don't have a girl of my dreams....  In this case it would be a man! LOL Ok, I feel better now that I've cleared that little issue up ~Sheri "The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first" |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
Irie: glad you liked my work. and i am glad we share the same dreamz. except for the sex thing. heheheheheh. thanks for the reply. love ya jesse Once upon a time there was a light in my life, now theres only love in the dark, There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. |
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dragonpoe Senior Member
since 2000-11-12
Posts 608Palm Bay, Florida |
Tho' it ended sad, it was still good. I've been here once upon a time, where all I did was sleep, just so I could hold on to that dream... Sorry it took me so long to get here. With the word, I am mighty, with the pen I am free.. dragonpoe |
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