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When you Write with Love
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When you Write with Love |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart 
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When you Write with Love < !signature-->When I awoke this morn, I looked around ~ and what broke my heart, was the silent sound of no one breathing, and no heart’s beat ~ there lay a note…my heartbreak…complete. While the missive I read gave my eyes a sting, there wrapped in the note, lay her ring, and without reading the letter, word for word, I knew it was full of the feelings I’d heard. She doesn’t belong here anymore, her heart now lies on another’s shore, for he spoke to her in cadence so fine now her heart is no longer mine. He used expression with karmic song and thus asked her to sing along, took her heartstrings, plucked them well so no longer will she be compelled to listen to my words, or hear my voice, I’ve lost her by my very own choice, to not hear her, nor her words of love, she’d packed her things, flew like a dove... She doesn’t live here anymore, she’s flown off for other shores, and only lingering traces of her kiss will I feel from the cool dawn’s mist. He drew poetic pictures, and lured her in and thus their soul’s dance did begin, he took her love, which once was mine impressed upon her, and his words entwined, and he spoke of things she must have missed, for he sealed his messages with love and a kiss, he promised her the moon, under starred sky, he would sip wine while he gazed in her eyes, and so intoxicated she must have become, that in my silence, to him she’s run, and I cannot blame her any more, that she’s run off for distant shores. When I awoke this morn and looked around what broke my heart was that silent sound there is no one breathing, no heart’s beat ~ here laid the note…now my heartbreak’s…complete. 20 June 2000 ©KRJ Sunshine ~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. Helen Keller ~~~ [This message has been edited by Sunshine (edited 06-20-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
*sigh* this was poignant. good'un ~Heather |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Thank you, Heather...I am glad you felt that... Sunshine ~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. Helen Keller ~~~ |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
When I awoke this morn and looked around what broke my heart was that silent sound there is no one breathing, no heart’s beat ~ here laid the note…now my heartbreak’s…complete. ... Splendid poetry, Karilea... Regards, sudhir |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
It pleases me much that you liked this, Sudhir, thank you... Sunshine ~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. Helen Keller ~~~ |
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Colin Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596Callington, Cornwall, England |
Powerful stuff indeed Sunshine! I especially liked the repetition of the first verse which works so well, both drawing the reader in and then closing the poem with a bang of a door at the end. "We are the music makers and we are the makers of dreams." - Willy Wonka. |
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ellie LeJeune Member Elite
since 2000-01-10
Posts 4156King of Prussia, PA USA |
This would make a wonderful song! Can't wait to see it in the book. Magnificent! Love, Ellie |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Wonderful choice Sunshine! I loved the perspective you chose to write this from, and the way you opened and closed this beautiful verse ... absolutely superb!  Best wishes, /Kit [This message has been edited by Kit McCallum (edited 06-21-2000).] |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Karilea~ Yes ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
rowr uh huh uh huh yuh |
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BSC
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-02-04
Posts 2919New York, USA |
Oh Sunshine, How this one just draws the reader in....Great from beginning to end. Bonnie |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Eric, repetition works for me, repetition works for me... Ellie, OK, write the music... Kit, I'm humbled, thank you... Marge, oh YEA! {~,^} WOW, Thanks!... BSC, you're too kind, thank you... Sunshine ~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. Helen Keller ~~~ |
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HelmutB Senior Member
since 2000-01-06
Posts 964Canada |
I know you have a special talent I know you are a special person I know you are a very good friend But most importantly you are MY friend And you also write such beautiful poetry Hugs The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Sun, this poem is SO PERFECT and cuts deep in me... powerful emotional expressions in this gem excellent writing jm |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Beautifully done, Sunshine! Denise |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Oh, my! Lovely, so lovely......  |
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Alle'cram Senior Member
since 2000-02-28
Posts 1816Texas |
Sunshine, Awesome piece! Very powerful, emotional and projected perfectly in poem. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Helmut, janet Marie, Denise, PdV, Alle'cram...thank you ALL for your kind comments. This piece is becoming a particular favorite of mine, and I treasure your input.. please let me know if anything in it should be changed, thank you! Sunshine ~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. Helen Keller ~~~ |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
Beautiful Sunshine ! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Thank you, Munda! Sunny ~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. Helen Keller ~~~ When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Had to come back to read this again... and liked the poem even better than before... Karilea, there is some magic in your writings... and it is not "black magic" regards, sudhir Death, be not proud, though some have called thee, Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so; - John Donne |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Sudhir, if I have magic in my words, then it is because of the people I know...thank you... Sunny ~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. Helen Keller ~~~ When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ |
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Heather Miller Member
since 2000-07-19
Posts 409Bryan, Ohio USA |
This brought a sad tear to my eye  (. Very good writting...........LITL, Heather With God all things are possible. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Heather, how kind of you to let me know...thank you! Sunny ~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. Helen Keller ~~~ When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
A very sad story very well written. Thanks, Pete |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
No, thank YOU, Pete! Sunny ~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. Helen Keller ~~~ When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
WEll told tale, made me sad Superb writing from beginning to end Liz [This message has been edited by Elizabeth Santos (edited 07-31-2000).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Elizabeth, I believe writing poetry [well, writing of any form, actually] should make the reader feel something. Sometimes I cannot read someone's work because at the outset I know it will make me sad...so I save it for another day, when I can handle it. But it is a true compliment indeed that I brought forth emotion in you. Thank you. Karilea When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ |
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