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i saw her in the rain
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i saw her in the rain |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
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My final submission. I think submitting four is probably too much, but it's due to bad timing. I wrote this poem only yesterday, posted it, and got two replies within 10 minutes. Today I logged back in, and there's another 7 replies. This is the most I've gotten at such a quick pace, and a few people have already claimed this their favorite poem of mine, so I'd be an idiot not to put it out here. Last one, I promise. Enjoy. Mike -i saw her in the rain- Rain fell in whispered words Upon the woman's head. I'm not sure what was said. The pooled cloth of her dress. She knelt in the wet grass Under a sky of glass. The rain spoke in tones, it fell In notes we could never try. It made me want to cry. She didn't. She nodded, arms out, Rain beading on her face, Glistening, sullen with grace. Then she opened her eyes of water. Her skin was smooth-veined stone, Her dress the grass that shone. I ran up through the rain to touch her. She was gone, if ever there. Not even a mark she'd dare. As I walked back through the rain In gray outlines of the real, I wondered what I should feel. |
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Justbleu Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329Oregon, Originally From Alaska :) |
Wow, I can see why!! I like this a lot too!! I am glad you decided to post it here!! Hope to see more of your poetry!! How would one feel?? Bridgette  < !signature-->"Creation of woman from the rib of Man: She was not made from his head to top him; nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him; but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved." -Unknown [This message has been edited by Justbleu (edited 06-19-2000).] |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Mike~ I replied to this over in open and was thinking I wished it was marked for the book so I could vote for it! Now I can!  -SEALive,Love,Laugh :) ~SueB |
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ellie LeJeune Member Elite
since 2000-01-10
Posts 4156King of Prussia, PA USA |
This is so hauntingly lovely. Ellie |
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Corazon Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209 |
wow no kidding, I hadn't seen this in the other forum, glad I didn'tmiss it here...love it |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
well, you already know I love ya when your all wet  yes this should be here... is 4 too many??? not in my opinion...but then Im a little squirrely *smile* later-poet-gator bs/jm |
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X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
I like! I like! I like!  ~Heather |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Loved it over in Open ... love it over here Mike! I'll say it again ... hauntingly beautiful with a lovely mystical feel about this poem ... really well done! Glad you posted it "here"! Best wishes, /Kit |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
great addition yuh my vote indeed! |
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Colin Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596Callington, Cornwall, England |
oooooh spoooky I like ghostly tales. Like em lots in fact Eric. "We are the music makers and we are the makers of dreams." - Willy Wonka. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
was hoping you would and you did...thank you. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Guys (gals), thanks for receiving this poem so openly. There's something about I know I couldn't reproduce again if I wanted to, and that's probably half of its charm. One of those innocent mistakes that turns out better than something planned. Now you know why I love poetry, and most (if not all) of you. Mike |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
thanx for the interesting readluv Elyse |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Mike~ This little 'deer' likes this one very much. Don't be surprised to find poetry dropping from the sky to the page ... that indicates to me that you've opened up and let the spirits move as they will. This, my friend ... is poetry ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thanks for your kind replies. You know I love ya. Mike |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
dynamic stanza here... "Then she opened her eyes of water. Her skin was smooth-veined stone, Her dress the grass that shone." all of it... captivating and fluid... no last submissions accepted... submit all you got... like you do with the way you write! |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Mike, can't even tell you why exactly I like this so much, but I do...sorry I missed it before. |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Mike, glad you posted this here, I missed it in open. Truly a wonderful poem!! loved it. My grief lies onward and my joy behind (Shakespeare) |
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AVANTI Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 664INDIA/MAHARASHTRA/PUNE |
so well written... i could picture her in the rain... beautifully expressed I 'm being honest and feel more in with the poem cause the rain is hitting my window pane and i can feel the rythm of your poem... lovely.. If all was light...then I would have never learnt the dark...from which such truth evolves from which evolves the light... Avanti Rao |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I wish this would let me answer each person individually -- but it won't list all the messages for some reason. That's a shame. But what I want to say, to all of you, is thank you. It's hard to write what you believe when so few seem interested. Though it's never gotten to the point of outright scorn, sometimes my poems sort of die in the wind. But you know what? As time goes on, I realize that's okay. I'm just glad to be able to write, and am also glad this particular poem has touched so many people. It's one thing to write and share. It's another thing entirely to write truthfully, share truthfully and be able to touch others truthfully. I thank you for that. It's extra sweet to know that so many of you are good poets in your own right -- the comments take on extra weight, make me extra happy. Mike |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
In sheer admiration of your work. You're right, she could never be reproduced, but she certainly deserves a vote Liz |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thanks, Liz. |
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Christopher J Member
since 2000-06-21
Posts 94 |
Thank for this poem...the last line is the best..sometimes it's hard to know what you should feel... |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Chris, I definitely agree. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Mike, not only is the poem excellent but so is your comment. Yes, the writing is the important thing and receiving a reply from only one person who is sincere and whom you respect is worth 20 replies from others. Please reconsider not sunmitting more for the book |
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BSC
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-02-04
Posts 2919New York, USA |
Can't think of any other words than have already been mentioned here....this is simply an awesome poem. Bonnie |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Not to worry, Balladeer -- drunk on my own optimism, I have submitted 6 in this forum: i am goodbye, i saw her in the rain, scaled velvet, A Dark sunday, contemporary prayerbook, and through a cracked pane. Bonnie, thank you. You have a cool little icon. Mine was You Are Here at the very beginning, then it somehow switched to the right-downward arrow. Now I'm not even sure if I have one anymore. Oh well. Mike [This message has been edited by bsquirrel (edited 06-26-2000).] |
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Moonshine Member
since 1999-10-01
Posts 265Australia |
Excellent - I really enjoyed reading this! |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
I'm with everyone else here. I really enjoyed this one and its almost supernatural feel. Thanks, Pete |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Moonshine and Pete (sounds like it could be a show on Nickelodeon), glad you enjoyed, and thanks for taking the time to reply. I definitely appreciate it. Mike |
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A Romantic Heart Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496Forever In Your Heart |
Oh I liked this very much, the rain always casts a somber mood... |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thanks, Romantic Heart. Again, this poem came from reading way too much of Lord of the Rings, with all the sad, somber yet beautiful songs of worlds gone by. I really like this poem, too, and that's sort of rare with me. Thanks for your vote. Mike |
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Cerenity Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 2637Escondido-California |
Hi Mike, This one is a jem, very much enjoyed, wonderful poetry here. Cerenity "God doesn't have to be reminded that we exist. We have to be reminded that He exist!" (Writer Unknown) |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
This is quite exceptional sir |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thanks, Cerenity and Jeffrey (that sorta rhymes). I appreciate it! Mike |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
Very nice, so glad you shared it! Debbie |
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jamesjiao Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 268Backwaters of Avalon |
Well well well, with a sly smile, I say, this is good. If rain of romance is coupled with roses, much better - James The beauty of nature is displayed, not through itself, but through the creatures dwelling within its bosom. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
To both d and j, thanks. |
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Broken_Winged_Angel Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 994Small Town, Somewhere |
Sweet.  With a little piece of tomorrow, You'll have to kiss yesterday goodbye. Because today won't last forever, And the past will only make you cry. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Much appreciated. It's been a loooong while since ah've read this poem again -- much less remembered it correctly.She said burn ... together. |
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Anvrill Senior Member
since 2002-06-21
Posts 710in the interzone now |
Y'know, baby? It didn't strike me when I first read it, since it wasn't that prominent for either of us then... But this is soooo thematically similar to A Forest. It's like a soggy version of the song. You rock my world, lovely. written in blood before everything went black |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
I like th' new pet name.  She said burn ... together. |
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