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Dusk Treader
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187
St. Paul, MN

0 posted 2000-06-18 02:50 AM

Silvered moonbeams fell on the lush lawn of the clearing producing an ethereal glow.  Tinkling notes rose from a cascade of water at the head of the meadow to weave an aquatic melody into the cool night air.  The trees that at times took up the mantle of terrifying sentinels did no such thing upon this night.  This night they huddled around the moonlit clearing protectively, motherly, wrapping the meadow in a robe of silence and pale-green stars.  Those solemn walls lead up to the heavy violet of the night sky.  Tiny pinpricks of quicksilver seeped through the roof of the night to trickle upon the clearing, a quiet sheen that flowed across the meadow.  

Within the jeweled dew of the lawn a tattered form lay outstretched on the banks of the stream.  His breath came in ragged sobs that tore at the night. His were eyes burning crimson, harsh from years of weeping and pain.  Small trickles of blood still clung to scarred skin and one broken hand had fallen into the cool waters of the stream, the crystal surface mired by silt and pale tendrils of blood.  

The broken man levered his body onto his back.  Fiery lances of pain arced through his nerves and blazing slashes seared across his vision.  He moaned in pain and gasped as the flames died down and he forced his reddened eyes opened and looked on the dark heavens.  

The shimmering diamond veil above was lost behind the haze of the man’s eyes, ebony was all his pain dulled sight could decipher.  His eyes slid shut slowly, and then wearily opened again.  A thin, bright light that held him as surely as bonds of steel pierced the ebony above.  He watched in rapt fascination as the tiny point moved from stationary, to faint motion, to streaking speed.  It plummeted earthwards and like his hopes, disappeared.  

Leadenly, the man’s eyes fell closed and it was all he could do to breathe.  The shadows began to grow within the clearing, stealing over the dewy lawn and enswathing the silent trees.  The pressure built upon the fragile soul, building to the shattering point as shadows cluttered around, cloaking the man in despair.

The pressure began to ease and the man ventured to open his eyes and was confronted with a looming alabaster shape that filled his vision.  Starting back with fear the man made to scramble away.  A gentle shushing sound came from the form and the man felt a warm touch on his forehead.  He felt the heat flow through his body, easing pain, relieving weariness and finally dropping the hazy veil from his sight.

That veil dropped and two eyes of lush green gleamed upon a face that was shining with a brilliant smile.  He smiled back dazedly causing the woman’s smile to become broader and she stood to her full height.  

The man’s smile winked out as the graceful wings stretched out into the dark heavens.  Fear flashed through his eyes and then his head dropped and his vision moved to anything but the angel before him.
The angel began to giggle musically, a silver chime, and she placed her fingers under his chin and lifted his eyes to hers.

“You know me, dear one.  Remember.”

As he looked into those green orbs he was drawn into a maelstrom of memories, seen as they spiraled swiftly by.  Warm summer days bathed in golden rays could be seen and a giggling couple played in the grass, tickling and laughing.   They lay on their backs and watched the clouds float by on cool summer zephyrs.  They danced in the rain and lay together by the hearth.  And then they were gone and the eyes again filled his vision.  

She moved quickly and kissed him teasingly and whispered in his ear:

“Follow me…”

And with a golden laugh she leapt into the air on seraphim pinions and the man was but a heartbeat behind.  A shared joy filled their hearts as they flew straight into the rising sun.

© Copyright 2000 Abrahm Simons - All Rights Reserved
Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369
1 posted 2000-06-18 02:55 AM

Dusk Treader - me thinks I see an up coming
famous writer in our midst  -- Wonderful
work here ----)


Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
2 posted 2000-06-18 04:21 AM

And a smart one too, to include prose in the submissions!!!
Kit McCallum
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
3 posted 2000-06-18 10:13 AM

Incredibly beautiful Dusk Treader ... me thinks I'd better get over to that forum and read a little more often!  I read this with rapt attention throughout ... absolutely wonderful!

Best wishes,

Poet deVine
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
4 posted 2000-06-18 11:24 AM

Beautifully written.    
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

5 posted 2000-06-18 11:35 AM

"His breath came in ragged sobs that tore at the night."

"His eyes slid shut slowly, and then wearily opened again."

"shadows cluttered around, cloaking the man in despair."

What a gift you have...this is an exhilarating tale!

~ Claire

Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau

Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
6 posted 2000-06-18 11:37 AM

DT~ I think they need to make a book just for your work!   -SEA
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
7 posted 2000-06-18 05:26 PM

Abe, I loved this the first time I read it and still do ! Beautifully written !

Dawn Eclipse
Senior Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 637
The Horsehead Nebula
8 posted 2000-06-18 05:29 PM


I like this story... it's awesome!  Your details are wonderful.  Keep up the writing, and great job in submitting a prose!  perhaps I'll try the same thing!

"Even a fool knows you can't touch the stars, but it doesn't stop a wise man from trying."
Harry Anderson, "Night Court"

*Cassandra Roseen*

Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850
In the space between moments
9 posted 2000-06-18 09:56 PM

This story left me breathless the first time I read it and it continues to do so to me hon...beautiful work, you have my vote!  

*Krista Knutson*

"Cherish your vision; Cherish your ideals; Cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts. If you remain true to them, your world will at last be built." ~James Allen~

"We've made houses for's time we made a place where people's souls may be seen and made safe"...~Jewel~

Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646
10 posted 2000-06-18 11:06 PM

Oh wow oh wow!  So is this going as 2 pages in our book?  I counted somewhere around 60 lines? Very cool idea to submit some prose!  Definately worthy!  You got my vote!
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

11 posted 2000-06-19 01:52 AM

Wow, this is wonderful! It must be published, it must be published!  

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde

X Angel
Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521
12 posted 2000-06-19 01:57 PM

this was ethereal and truly gorgeous


Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329
Oregon, Originally From Alaska :)
13 posted 2000-06-19 02:18 PM

This was Wonderful!!  I want to read more!!  A keeper here!!  


"Creation of woman from the rib of Man: She was not made from his head to top him; nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him; but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved." -Unknown

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

14 posted 2000-06-19 03:22 PM

amazing imagery and story telling...
excellent much depth
i hope prose is indeed included...
great work

Dusk Treader
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187
St. Paul, MN
15 posted 2000-06-19 08:08 PM

I wanted to thank you all for replying, I never dreamed this would get as many responses as it has.  My deepest thanks to all of you  

Abrahm Simons

"Keep on dreamin' boy 'cause when you stop dreaming it's time to die" - Blind Melon

Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596
Callington, Cornwall, England
16 posted 2000-06-20 03:18 PM

I couldn't get the rhythm or rhyme in this one *wink* Seriously though, a great piece of writing  


since 2000-05-16
Posts 238
17 posted 2000-06-20 03:30 PM

This was absolutely amazing. Great prose and a good read!

^_^ Amanda

"A lizard ran out on a rock and looked up listening
no doubt to the sounding of the spheres.
And what a dandy fellow!
....the right toss of a ch

Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
18 posted 2000-06-20 04:58 PM

I'm not sure this will even fit on 2 pages. It probably will take a lot of votes to get it in the book. But it is beautifully written (I wish I could do something like that). As many positive responses as it has, maybe there is hope.

Thanks for sharing.


Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129
19 posted 2000-06-20 05:58 PM

This piece captured my thoughts completely. Great job..... I hope they put it in the book.


Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
20 posted 2000-06-20 07:01 PM

Wonderful work. Would be proud to see this in the book

Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
21 posted 2000-06-24 07:46 PM

This is so beautiful, I had to come back and read it again  

[This message has been edited by Munda (edited 06-24-2000).]

Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 664
22 posted 2000-06-25 12:45 PM

beautiful imaginary...
i loved this one

If all was light...then I would have never learnt the dark...from which such truth evolves
from which evolves the light...
Avanti Rao

Christopher J
since 2000-06-21
Posts 94

23 posted 2000-06-25 01:39 AM

I have never read anything like this..this is truly amazing..i needed my dictionary and had to read it three times..the ending is beautiful, this is truly one of the best written pieces of work i have ever read, of any sort...please post more, and keep up the obvisously hard work!!! You are a true champion, one of the few in this world...
Twilight Tearstains
New Member
since 2000-05-07
Posts 8

24 posted 2000-07-06 01:46 AM

This is beautiful, wonderous, moving work, my friend...this deserves a bump all the way to the top!   

~We are only truly lost when we've lost ourselves~

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
25 posted 2000-07-07 09:25 AM

Back to the top with this one...

You know, Dusk Treader, at 14 responses you said you never wondered that you would get so many responses...
With such amazing writing, you should not worry about that... you will have a huge fan following in your own right who will want to read each word that you have to offer...
Such is the feel that you generate with works like these....

regards, sudhir
< !signature-->

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee,
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;

- John Donne

[This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (edited 07-07-2000).]

Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
26 posted 2000-08-03 11:12 AM

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