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Jeffrey Carter
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since 2000-04-08
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State of constant confusion!

0 posted 2000-06-17 06:24 PM


Imprisoned By Guilt

I can't seem to find the words
to say just how I feel
The pain is ever growing
since they put you on that hill

I stop by to say I miss you
almost every day
I pray that God above will soon
take this hurt away

I can still see you lying there
among that crumpled heap
I wish that I could close my eyes
and this memory delete

It haunts me every waking hour
and in every wink of sleep
Ever losing grip on sanity
no longer mine to keep

I would give most anything
if I could rewrite history
Cause in my heart I know that you
should be here instead of me

In my cell, my private Hell
locked inside my head
If I hadn't had too much to drink
then you would not be dead



All my love,
Jeffrey

I lie awake in a world filled with dreams,
but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep


© Copyright 2000 Jeffrey D. Carter - All Rights Reserved
X Angel
Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521
Oregon
1 posted 2000-06-17 06:38 PM


this was an AWFUL good poem, if yanno what I mean? So sad! Good job!
~H

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
2 posted 2000-06-17 06:42 PM


*I Vote Yes*

Jeffery, this one is one of your best ones... so many sentiments attached to this one...

Take Care,
Regards, sudhir

CMGrimm
Senior Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 685
USA
3 posted 2000-06-17 06:56 PM


Another "yes" from me to you Jeffrey.

chris

Never be a carbon copy of anybody...make your own impressions. - ANON.



bsquirrel
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

4 posted 2000-06-17 10:40 PM


JC,
Ouch! This poem catches you in its flow, and then strikes you over the head for the conclusion. Jarring, needed words. I remember when one of my friends met his match with a tree after drinking too much. You could barely tell it was a car, in the paper.

Mike

netswan
Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369
Washington
5 posted 2000-06-18 03:26 AM


Jeffrey this poem is really well written
such a subject to write on --I will be
looking forward to seeing your poem in
the book --)

~netswan

wayoutwalt
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)
6 posted 2000-06-18 03:29 AM


grim...i like
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
7 posted 2000-06-18 10:25 AM


I was so moved when I read this in Open Jeffrey ... this just stays in my mind, so poignant and beautifully written!

Best wishes,
/Kit

pyro
Junior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 12

8 posted 2000-06-18 11:52 AM


hi i am really new here...i joined about 2 minutes ago...i thought what the hang lets see these poems and get it done with but what a pleasant surprise!!!i really liked it you have a member for life thanks to this poem i hope the rest are as good as this

WELL DONE


Ryan
Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 297
Kansas
9 posted 2000-06-18 12:20 PM


Yes, like everyone else has said, very powerful.  The ending was especially strong.

Ryan


I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.
—Jack Kerouac


Justbleu
Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329
Oregon, Originally From Alaska :)
10 posted 2000-06-19 07:38 PM


Oh so SAD, but a very well written piece!!  I hope this makes a preventative statement to others!!  I like this a lot!!!  

Bridgette


"Creation of woman from the rib of Man: She was not made from his head to top him; nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him; but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved." -Unknown


Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
11 posted 2000-06-20 06:24 AM


Powere evident, though not this way, I understand. Guilt can be a driving force... Ouch. Hard. Strong. And yes, sad.
kaile
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since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
12 posted 2000-06-20 06:43 AM


Oh my, almost caught my breath at the lsat two lines....such a powerfully moving ending

funny but i have written one about drunken drivers before...its posted as "Words from a Friend" in Critical analysis....perhaps you can critique the poem for me when you are free

heres my vote:YES!

Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
13 posted 2000-06-20 06:19 PM


This is beautifully written and brought a tear to my eyes.
Jeffrey Carter
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State of constant confusion!
14 posted 2000-06-20 11:35 PM


WOW!!!

Thanks you guys
Your replies really mean a lot

All my love,
Jeffrey

I lie awake in a world filled with dreams,
but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep



spiked
Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 873
Hammond, La USA
15 posted 2000-06-21 12:58 PM


Great Poem
revealing a lesson
Thanks
Rich

Jeffrey Carter
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16 posted 2000-06-22 03:06 AM


Thanks Rich, Glad you saw the lesson that there is in this piece. Makes it all worth while  

All my love,
Jeffrey

I lie awake in a world filled with dreams,
but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep



Colin
Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596
Callington, Cornwall, England
17 posted 2000-06-22 09:10 AM


Powerful!

Eric.

"We are the music makers and we are the makers of dreams." - Willy Wonka.

Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA
18 posted 2000-06-23 12:54 PM


Jeffrey,

One of your best for sure.  Not an easy one for you to write I know, but I love it.  

LW


Friends are friend forever if the Lord's the Lord of them and a friend will not say never cause the welcome will not end.
--Michael W. Smith


Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

19 posted 2000-06-23 12:58 PM


I could have swore I voted for this days ago
ok im here now  
later-wise-poet gator
jm

linda munday
Member
since 2000-06-17
Posts 315
Adelaide, Australia
20 posted 2000-06-24 09:09 PM


Jeffrey,
That was so good... I loved the last bit.  You have penned the subject very well.  I dont see anything that needs improving in it.
It's great, And I'm voting for it too.
Linda M.

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

21 posted 2000-06-24 09:49 PM


Definitely one of your best!  

Denise

epoet
Member
since 2000-05-11
Posts 291
grand rapid,MI, usa
22 posted 2000-06-24 10:15 PM


awesome poem.  very well written on such a touchy subject.  one of your best jeff.

P. J. Kotrch
carpe diem
A soul once touched is a soul once blessed by love



Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
23 posted 2000-06-24 10:29 PM


A Powerful poem
1 powerful vote from me
Liz

jennie may*
Member
since 2000-06-17
Posts 122

24 posted 2000-06-24 11:22 PM


hmm-- this is mysterious.  For some strange reason it reminds me of "Annabel Lee" by Poe. It leaves the reader with a profound image, yet there is so much unsaid, and it is perhaps richer because of that.  Good poem.
jennie may*
Member
since 2000-06-17
Posts 122

25 posted 2000-06-24 11:22 PM


hmm-- this is mysterious.  For some strange reason it reminds me of "Annabel Lee" by Poe. It leaves the reader with a profound image, yet there is so much unsaid, and it is perhaps richer because of that.  Good poem.


Jeffrey Carter
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State of constant confusion!
26 posted 2000-06-26 01:46 AM


Eric, Thank you

LW, Thank you, not easy to write emotions we have never experienced personally

Janet,  As long as you made it, better late than never LOL

Linda, Thank you for the wonderful compliment and for the vote

Denise, Thank you muchly

epoet, Thanks for the awesome, and I love your signature...Carpe Dium = Ceize the day

Liz, Thank you for the vote, truly a compliment coming from you

Jennie May*, Wow!!!  To be compared to one of the greatest poets that ever lived is truly humbling....You don't know how good that makes me feel            

All my love,
Jeffrey


LoveBug
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27 posted 2000-06-26 01:52 AM


I remember this piece from open, and it touched me as deeply then as it does now. You have my vote!  

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde
"The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea

Moonshine
Member
since 1999-10-01
Posts 265
Australia
28 posted 2000-06-26 02:29 AM


Jeffrey,

This poem is excellent - so full of grief and longing - I am sorry if this is not a fictitious masterpiece for you.

Jeffrey Carter
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29 posted 2000-06-26 06:48 PM


Love bug, Thank you for the vote and I'm glad to see you felt the message of this poem

Moonshine, Thank you and I'm happy to say this IS fiction

All my love,
Jeffrey


Parker
Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129
ON
30 posted 2000-06-26 07:39 PM


Jeffrey, this is so powerfull, it should be on a commercial for drunk driving. The last line hits you like a brick. Bravo

Parker

Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

31 posted 2000-06-26 08:09 PM


I agree with Parker, Jeffrey...this took my breath away, dear.

~ Claire

Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau


Cerenity
Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 2637
Escondido-California
32 posted 2000-07-03 11:52 AM


Hi Jeffrey,

I remember this one and it should be in the book, and you are a wonderful and strong person for posting this. I think the world needs to really know in every way what this kind of thing can do.

Love,  Cerenity

Jeffrey Carter
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State of constant confusion!
33 posted 2000-07-17 04:45 AM


Thanks again everyone, I appreciate your comments  
ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
34 posted 2000-07-17 05:33 AM


Jeffery, what a touching, outstanding piece of work. The reality of the content is so impressed on the mind because of the poetic style of presentation.
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
35 posted 2000-07-17 07:58 AM


Very powerful and heart wrenching
Excellent poem
Liz

Jeffrey Carter
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36 posted 2000-07-17 09:48 PM


Thanks ethome and Liz
insect
Senior Member
since 2000-04-22
Posts 1014

37 posted 2000-07-17 10:08 PM


Another great one but sad!
Voted

jamesjiao
Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 268
Backwaters of Avalon
38 posted 2000-07-17 10:11 PM


Oh mine mine mine.. we all have a private cell in our head.. a place where our love should dwell.. and a place that's only known to ourselves.. great poems.. vote tick tick

- James
The beauty of nature is displayed,
not through itself,
but through the creatures
dwelling within its bosom.



Paula Finn
Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546
missouri
39 posted 2000-08-02 11:57 PM


Oh how glad I am that I decided to take a walk thru your work tonight...this is outstanding, so strong and overwhelming in its pain. As always my vote is yours my friend.< !signature-->

never say never

[This message has been edited by Paula Finn (edited 08-02-2000).]

dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
40 posted 2000-08-03 12:02 PM


*taking a deep breath*

....WOW..this one took my breath away..quite literally...

again...WOW..
well written..the pain you conveyed completely..i can relate to such pain of losing someone..but only you can reach the depths of your own ache...

dg

"Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you."
-Kahlil Gibran


Jeffrey Carter
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State of constant confusion!
41 posted 2000-08-04 03:41 AM


insect....thanks

james.... thanks   i agree we all have that private cell in our heads  

Paula.... thank you m'friend

dg..... thank you very much.....this isn't from personal experience....so i guess i did it right huh?  

The best and most beaytiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched...but are felt in the heart (Helen Keller)


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