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Open Poetry #9
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Tremble of Transparency
| Open Poetry #9 |
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Tremble of Transparency |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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"Hi, baby..." (God, I love his voice...) smooth and sweet, warm brandy, comforting, from head to feet... filling me with newborn's need to break in sweat of pure relief... so glad that he can't see me weep. "Hey." I say. (I hate my voice...) so off-key, not like me, a tremble of transparency... killing me to hide my need, breaking bread for faithless feed... I wish that he would see me weep. |
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| © Copyright 2000 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Effigy Member
since 2000-04-11
Posts 486disbelief |
Very nice. I can feel your pain. It's so hard to b play cool when you need something so badly. Sometimes we have to let people see us especialy the people that matter. |
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Nikolette Sadness
since 2000-07-29
Posts 337port richey fl. |
i like this verrrrrrrrry verrrrrrry much...yet in my experience you should never let him see you cry... Nik i was once in love and happy...but you can call me Sadness. |
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redheart angrybraids Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 410honolulu, hawaii |
and ain't it always those red wings that grab you and remind you of when you were free -and here, and alawys the essence of it all fallows hands griped in each, as it goes, and yes even the smell grabs me, and i always fall ill in the end though, what pleasures are momentary, i will love and adore threw all the cluster, and if this is all just poetry after a few drinks, then i am definatly in, the round, and merry way, ah playing, always the ground brown or green like sea spread deep in front of me, thank you kindly lady sorry serenity for spilling all over your pages, though every word is truly heard in this waking hour, Kindly, Redheart Angrybraids |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Effigy...advice under consideration, lol... that one is hard for me, tho... Nik......you are another voice of my soul... thank you for reading...and I am trying to break down the walls... y'see...I've discovered that what keeps out fears, also keeps in "Me." and "me" wants out... Redheart...Spill, spill, spill, each of your replies tonite is a poem in itself. I love ya dearly, but you should be writing right now...Hug YOU. |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
The need just explodes off of this |
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CocoBaci Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043 |
"Filling me with newborn need to break in sweat of pure relief".... Dearest Serenity, hugz to you this poem captures hearts of those who read Ciao =) Coco =) |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
so off-key, not like me, a tremble of transparency... killing me to hide my need, breaking bread for faithless feed... I wish that he would see me weep. Hey girl....come out and join the world....we will make sure you are treated tenderly. This is a awesome creation. Your yearning for release is evident in this and you have given us a true peek inside behind all those walls. well done. |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
This is an emotion packed verse, but so beautifully written. It pulls at heartstrings in a familiar way. very well done Liz |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
ooooh me twin..you ache in this .. every line.. and I feel it..you ... "smooth and sweet, warm brandy, comforting, from head to feet... filling me with newborn's need to break in sweat of pure relief... so glad that he can't see me weep. ================== so off-key, not like me, a tremble of transparency... killing me to hide my need, breaking bread for faithless feed... I wish that he would see me weep. =================== only you could have written those amazing lines.. *blowing kisses to the south* me |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
serenity: I liked this, very emotional, I know about hiding feelings all to well. I thank you for posting. |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Serenity~ 'a tremble of transparency...' *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
to show or not to show that is the question whether 'tis better to let your heart be seen by one that you need or to hide it and not appear as such to hide to sleep to sleep alone. . . this is the battle that rages on in the heart and in the mind. . . serenity, you know sometimes, we can see right through you. . . wonderful. . . -------------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Serenity, I am sure your voice is heavenly, mine however when I try to raise it...oh...proof that God has a sense of humour. What ever your voice sounds like your poetic voice is perfect. On key as always. "Beyond all this good is the terror,The grip of a mercenary hand,When savagery turns all good reason, There's no turning back, no last stand,"I.Curtis |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Each of you is so dear to me---every reply feels like a hug--I thank you much, and I'm very grateful...Love to all. |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
The only way I'd (maybe) like this better, is if I had written it. But then I'd read it differently too, probably, and it wouldn't mean as much. *applause* my friend. jwesley |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
serenity, emotionally beautiful. I'm sure it will touch many who read it. When the heart puts pen in hand, we know that we are human. Parker |
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Jenn E Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 589Kelowna, BC, Canada |
I loooooooved this!!!!! OK, not a very original comment (lol) but it is so very true! How you explain his voice and what it does, and then your voice, which I am sure is beautiful also, so filled with emotions. If ever you reveal your all, I know it will be loved by all who have the pleasure to see it. If ever you come across someone who you "reveal" to and they don't see, know it is not you. I have found that it is in fact them with the blindness and we, for giving, see all the clearer. Take Care Jenn E |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
seren seren i love this seren o yuh! your mind is great thing to see on zee page |
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ThUnDeRkYsS Senior Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 727Wisconsin |
If I were him and somehow knew, I would want to be there to hold you and comfort you. I've experienced this many times, and found that in those times... just having that someone there and seeing them care, or cry with you, or just hold you, brings your hearts closer than words ever could. Just my feelings, but I would want to be there if I were him.  Very beautiful poem, very heartfelt.Strive for higher levels, if they seem out of reach... Grow, and they will get closer. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
j--thanks for the lovely comp...and right now, I wish you had written it too...lol Parker--thank you, sweets, why do I get the feeling you know about this? walt--I even love your replies...hugs. Jenn--my gratitude for your caring reply...and I believe all prayers are answered, but in this case, the answer was "no." So there, I did it again, lol... Thunder--that was one of the warmest sweetest replies ever, now stop that, I fall in love way too easily...smiles and thanks. And thanks to everybody for the lovelies... and we'll put me back together again, yet, eh? THANK YOU... |
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