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Open Poetry #9
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Pools of Rain (Post 1K)
| Open Poetry #9 |
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Pools of Rain (Post 1K) |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven 
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Pools of Rain against expectations tempestuous clouds burst in fiery flashes of merriment and thundering peals of laughter they watch the dance below ever the espier, i pool the down pouring nervous steps quicken unafraid, but not without fear suspicion and worry guide their agitated gait as they seek nearby asylum ever the espier i pool the down pouring timorous steps untaken frozen by a brilliant glance no voice for words of panic spoken feelings of doom unsaid waiting for salvation, expecting only death ever the espier i pool the down pouring unhesitating steps in tenor shrieking with each blow faces tense with apprehension under tossed and dripping manes shirts lifted upward unknowingly expose ever the espier i pool the down pouring joyful steps unbridled loving hearts go round slowly forward in circles spirits soar in soaking glee taking pleasure in the adventure ever the espier I pool the down pouring the rain-dances now are over storm remnants i survey gathered in pools around me unaware of reflections revealed each dance a mirror of their lives ever the poet i pour the pool out when the unexpected brings rain into our lives we can run away in fear or be rooted by our doubts while life goes by without us love can keep you happy, even in the rain Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jamie Patterson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
First of all, 1,000 congratulations... second...well done... third...know what I saw here? Two lovers caught in a thunderstorm on a merry-go-round... beautiful images... [This message has been edited by Sunshine (edited 08-10-2000).] |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Congratulations! It seems easier to reach these milestones now than when I first started!!! Lovely poem..you have a way with imagery!  |
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Sunnyone Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334Staffordshire, England |
Jamie.... I would also like to add my congratulations!!!! Every thing that you write is such a pleasure to read, and this was certainly no exception! On my 1000th, there will be a special post in which you are most definitely included!! See you up the road... I have only one goal in life.. It Is: To have more than one goal in Life!! ~ ~ by Sunny ~ ~ |
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MMoonchild Senior Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 1715PA |
awwwwww I love that jamie love can keep you happy, even in the rain handing you a @)}--}--~ for your 1000th congratulations ~~soft smiles MMoonchild |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Oh Jamie--Your tempestuous is so much better then mine....This left me breathless...very beautiful writing!!!! |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Jamie, you are amazing my friend, a beautiful piece of imagery you have penned! "love can keep you happy, even in the rain" I suppose it can  Excellent writing! Maree |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Jamie, a m i e ... well thats the horizontal and vertical of things... okay what am I trying to say... oh yes! 1000 smiles and many congratulations on reaching the 1K mark... now where are the rest of the poems.... get them out soon... by the way... a beautiful poem, this one... in fact I stole a glimpse of this beauty in the CA forum...  Many regards, sudhir |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Sunshine- Thank you. Indeed, but the merry-go-round was of their own design. Sharon- With poetry like yours and those of your fellow poets here to enjoy, it is not so amazing that I reached 1,000 so quickly. Thank you for being such a large part of them. S1--Thanks so much! I look forward with great eagerness to your kilopost. Maureen- Thank you very much, you have influenced the highs and lows of my tides. Yours was simply different,,not less. Thank You. Maree- You have given me many G-days...Thank you so much. Look closely and you will see your influence in this poem...( and that of PDV-Kamlee-Balladeer-Sudhir- and many many more) Sudhir- Much thanks and blessings to and for you my friend Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
Jamie-First off congrats on your 1000th...and thank you for making many of them mine on your replies. Your talent is rivaled by none and you shine in all that you bring to us. I look forward to more of your poetic offerings and will rejoice with you when your reach a thousand more. |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Love it, Jamie, and congrats from me as well. Your writing is brilliant. catalinamoon |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Congratulations on 1,000, Jamie, that was quick! Very beautifully written! Denise |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
WOW...this is magical...very well structured my friend I am impressed...and yes - the anthropological element is well appreciated!  Good work J... and I even like the repetition! K |
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Rex Allen McCoy Member Elite
since 2000-01-30
Posts 2863Sippin a Timmy's in London |
1000 posts but many thousand smiles you've brought to this group you've created a beautiful milestone Jamie We're glad your here Rex |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Congrats Jamie!!! You marked this one with a gem.....I loved the way this flowed. Great work~ |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
Jamie...brown eyes this is too beautiful for words. I love the water and this just pours over me....congrats on your 1k you penned a diamond here |
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Jenn E Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 589Kelowna, BC, Canada |
WOW! Congratulations...........what a wonderful read so full of imagery. Love can make you happy , even in the rain........tender words here. Jenn E makes a toast, "To a thousand more!" Clink, Drink......ahhhhhh. Jenn E |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
ok jamie .. i think .... I HOPE ..lol.. I'm on the right lines with an interpretation of this poem ...and even if I'm not ...as Brad once said .."the reader is always right".. certainly my interpretation works for me which i guess means that you've been reasonably successful with this piece... On one level i thought you handled the primary image of a storm quite well although with such a theme i wondered whether you couldn't have made even more than you did of the natural images.. certainly lines like "frozen by a brilliant glance" ...echoing the lightening were very well used and i quite liked "tossed and dripping manes" as well ... but i feel sure that you could find more lines like that which enhance both the superficial images of the poem and also echo the underlying message .. as to that message ..well the first stanza quite neatly sets the scene i think as the elemental forces laughing at the antics of mankind "dancing" in the face of unexpected adversity. The poem seems to me to be a clever look at different human reactions to adversity and the way it can be handled in our lives - finally closing with the, it has to be said, oft used, "love can conquer all" maxim... The extended metaphor of "storm" or "rain" for adversity was handled well and i like the fun way you intermingled the two layers .... you had a good idea and i think you carried it off reasonably well... Having said that I'm not too sure about the repetition .....the refrain. For a start "espier" presumably meaning watcher or observer seems a little clumsy somehow ... the effect of those lines is certainly to set the speaker apart from the scene ..and I'm sure you intended this ...but to be honest i don't really see why you are doing it and although "pool the down pouring" has a nice ring and rhythm to it, I'm still struggling with what you were aiming for here although i guess the transition to "out-pouring" in the final stanza refers back to "love"...no? and hey..... i hated ...."maniacal abandon" ..and the suggested replacement is verging on cliche ..lol ...much as I'd like to see "breasts exposed" (~smirk~) remain ..it did seem out of place in this poem .. on the other hand "unknowingly" is a bit of a mouthful is it not? "unafraid, but not without fear suspicion and worry" is perilously close to an oxymoron while also being a little abstract .. I'm not sure it works for that reason.. "reckless hearts" is cliche and abstract ....how can a muscle which pumps blood be reckless? Yeah ok .. i know you're employing the metaphor but its just been used too often to mean anything ..try finding something new .... something that grabs the reader's interest instead of just disappearing into the obscurity of a phrase read a thousand times before .. i could comment on the flow and meter etc but I'm outta time and anyway you seemed to have this reasonably under control ... anyway jamie this was an interesting read it was great to see a piece which attempts to put across a message while at the same time using some nice imagery. The relationship between the speaker, the storm and the subjects in the poem needs a little work i think because for me at least it doesn't come across clearly enough .. but you obviously have something in mind there and I'd be fascinated to hear more from you.... thanks for this philip |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Well, after Philip's remarks, may I humbly add my meager applause to a well written poem and quietly offer my sincere congratulations for you 1000th post. Terrific poem Liz |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Congratulations on post 1000 and what a poem to celebrate it with You've got some great imagery in this piece and it makes one think abit and read it a time or two to find all the hidden meanings behind it |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Thanks so much everyone ...and Philip-"the revision is in the mail"...lol< !signature--> Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". [This message has been edited by Prometheus (edited 08-13-2000).] |
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