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Open Poetry #9
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Silence Unbearable
| Open Poetry #9 |
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Silence Unbearable |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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In this silence unbearable upon a greedy need of glaring white as the very air binds my breath I woke shivering and awash in sweat, trembling fingers fumble as I spark fire to my cigarette just to feel the burn of familiarity-- even if it kills me at least holding something this damned tight might stop this despicable shaking... and I do not know which is worse-- to sleep, or to awaken... |
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| © Copyright 2000 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
very powerful great lines so cool typical serenity very impressed as always |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
...a greedy need of glaring white ... to feel the burn of familiarity-- ... which is worse-- to sleep, or to awaken... ------- serenity, this is one great question ... Liked your metaphors extremely much... hope you have a restful sleep and may angels float in your dreams and when you wake up the next day, may the little birds chirp for you a nice summer song... regards, sudhir [This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (edited 08-09-2000).] |
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poutprincess Senior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 735Perth, Western Australia, Australia |
This is very intense! "just to feel the burn of familiarity--even if it kills me" once again..you are too good!  ~Dawn whatcha doing in this darkness baby when you know love will set you free? will you stay in the sea forever Drowning there for all eternity? ~Live |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
trembling fingers fumble as I spark fire to my cigarette just to feel the burn of familiarity-- even if it kills me at least holding something this damned tight might stop this despicable shaking... and I do not know which is worse-- to sleep, or to awaken ====================== ohh baby.. this just stings... I know where this comes from... and I'm gonna find a lullabye for ya if its the last thing I do  but damn this poem is AWESOME.. intense and honest and the impact of those last lines... well... reminds me of M,'s poetry... (need I say more) *kiss kiss* put out that cig..or I'll tell me |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
walt, I always appreciate hearing from you--and thanks so much for being there for me... Sudhir, I used your lovely wishes to go back to sleep this morning so much gratitude to you as well...thank you, m'friend... Dawn...All is well, or at least how it should be...nothing to it, but to go through it...thank you... JM...m'twin, we don't need words, but thank you for all the "cool" replies...will start wearing my sunglasses at night... Love to all...off to read... |
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T McCoy Member
since 2000-07-24
Posts 186 |
AWESOME! i don't even know what else to say... i think i need a smoke Tony |
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Majestic Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 264houston, tx. |
brrr...gave me shivers....cut that out...hehe... "To live is to love; To truly LOVE is to live!" ~kg~ |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Very intense, serenity. I can picture the cigarette tightly held, the tip glowing brightly as you inhale deeply, feel the smoke going down your lungs......that makes it good writing, in my book  |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Serenity this is great writing...it leaves the reader with a world of imagination to create answers to the questions from their own familiarity with such feelings. |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
excellent my friend. . . just wonderful. . . ----------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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Artistic Member
since 2000-08-09
Posts 107Colorado/Rochester, NY |
'ust to feel the burn of familiarity--' 'and I do not know which is worse-- to sleep, or to awaken...' *shivers* nicely done! ~Artistic~ |
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Jenn E Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 589Kelowna, BC, Canada |
Oh My, I could feel this to the very core of me. Very good, raw emotion here. May the Angel of Dreams come and watch over you and give you rest. Oh, and if they come could you send them my way? lol..Just a little smile for the evening. Take Care. Jenn E |
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ma miller Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 806 |
serenity ... i've read your work ever since coming to Passions and this is without a doubt, your best work (IMHO) ... the opening phrase is killer ... In this silence unbearable upon a greedy need of glaring white as the very air binds my breath My calling before me, let quill be my offering; For to be called poet, no greater gift to receive. M.A. |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Excellent writing, A powerful little poem Liz |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Thanks again to everybody, I owe you all some joy now...lol..."ah to sleep, perchance to dream?" YOWZER!!! |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
In this silence unbearable upon a greedy need of glaring white as the very air binds my breath I woke shivering and awash in sweat, Ohhh my this one hurts......I wish I didn't have my own memories to haunt me along with this.....good news...the sun does find it's way to the heart. You pen so masterfully and share your pain in every word |
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redheart angrybraids Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 410honolulu, hawaii |
ah as if you stold the smoke right out of my lungs from my lovers breath to the rusty bed, dragging my long hair every morning at the crack of dawn. i love your words as always, i feel like i'm listening. Kindly, Redheart Angrybraids |
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