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Open Poetry #9
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Internet Bride (Nan's Humor Challenge)
| Open Poetry #9 |
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Internet Bride (Nan's Humor Challenge) |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
He saw her photo on the Internet Wearing a babushka on her head Golden hair and delft blue eyes Her lips full and cherry red She said she wanted just to be An American girl all her life Said she was looking for a kind-hearted man To woo her and make her his wife She promised true devotion And a brood of 10 kids or more She loved to cook and clean And was willing to do much more! She said she had a degree in Nuclear Fusion and Astronomy That she could pole vault faultlessly And hoped for Russian autonomy He sent her money to pay her fare Wrote sonnets to her many charms Told all his friends she’d be coming Into his waiting arms. Meanwhile in a Russian village: Zay call me Olga da Porkling ‘cause my fist is big as a ham no man here vill marry wez me zay say it’s mean I yam Ze mudder make me sign up For American groom you zee He’ll pay gold to take me avay Zen my zister get husband for free Each week my zweetie zend me Hundred ‘Merican bucks in za mail I gev it to my mudder to Keep my brudder outta jail Zoon it vill be time to go To live in za land of plenty I vant to be mud vrestler Zince I vas young girl of twenty I may be zirty nine years old And ugly so my mudder zay But I know vhat ‘merican men want Zis Olga know how to play The meeting: At half past ten on Saturday Our hero stood at the gate For this was the day he’d prayed for And he hoped her plane wasn’t late So tall and handsome, was he, Wearing dockers and a shirt Anxiously anticipating her In a tight, leather mini skirt As the plane emptied, he stared Looking for his blonde goddess to alit When all of a sudden he was grabbed And squeezed uncomfortably tight Wearing overalls and muddy boots Was the bride he’s sworn to adore She smelled like a pigpen and Must’ve been at least six foot four Olga smiled at her new hubby ‘zis iz vonderful day for me ven do we get to do it ‘been vaiting patiently Our hero paled at this thought And tried to back away “come here my lubchink lover it’s time vor us to play At that dear Olga drew out a football Threw it long right then and there Our hero ran long to catch it And tripped on someone’s chair He jumped up and kept running No one has seen him since And Olga, poor Russian bride Was sent back to her hometown of Minsk! |
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| © Copyright 2000 Poet deVine - All Rights Reserved | |||
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
VERY well done, sharon!!! ROFL!!! this is priceless!  |
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BSC
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-02-04
Posts 2919New York, USA |
OMG ROFL  I LOVE THIS SHARON, I'm laughing so hard I'm snorting...sound kinda like ol' Olga I imagine. Bonnie |
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English Rose Member
since 2000-08-20
Posts 211Berkshire, England |
He he you are so funny....that was great!! |
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Steve B Member
since 2000-08-07
Posts 140Southern PA |
de vinely funny... actually roflmao funny.. very good....äà ìíîãî çàáàâíûé Steve B  |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Omigod LMAO! You are the queen of humour, this is priceless. I loved it! Take care, Melissa Honeybee The beauty of poetry gives my soul wings to fly free within dreams |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
deVine~ Lord ! Lord ! This is just uproariously hysterical ! Too, too much !  ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
ROFL-this was beautifully presented in it's form and I laughed all the way through it. You have penned quite a tale. Loved it much. |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Thank you all for your kind replies..it gives me great joy to know I've made someone smile! |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Good choice for the challenge, Sharon! ROFL .....just like the first time I read it!Denise |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Sharon, too hilarious. I have been laughing from the beginning. Great stuff! Catalinamoon |
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Chanson Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559Up Creek w/Out Paddle |
Sooooo funny!  I'm joining the rest on the floor...laughing! --...chanson~ "Music, when soft voices die, Vibrates in the memory..." P.B. Shelley |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
LMBO!! Olga! What a picture LOL.... You've outdone yourself! And a smile? You made us ROLL with LAUGHTER not just a |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
h3>This is toooooooooooooooooo funny.... |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Now how did I miss zis? ROFL... |
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LM Senior Member
since 2000-08-03
Posts 585 |
Ha ha...funny... |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
PDV How did I miss this first time around? Soooooo Funny. ROTFLLMAO. LOL. *LAUGHS* ROTFL Kethry "It is the image in the mind that links us to lost treasures; but it is the loss that shapes the image, gathers the flowers weaves the garland."- |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
This is hilarious! Great poem! |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
ROFLMGBO!!!! "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde "The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
ROFLMGBO!!!! "We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde "The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Indeed a funny and very interesting poem...James |
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Moon Dust
since 1999-06-11
Posts 2177Skelmersdale, UK |
hehehe you are the queen of hummor What I write and others read is your own experiance and perceptions. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Thanks so much for the laugh...this was great!!! |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Indeed this is priceless,Oh Sharon, hehe it vas so gud to rid dis again, my luvely gel heheh. |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
This is just plain funny and very well written. Thank you, PdV. A |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
I just love seeing the goodies from days of yore resurface.. |
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