navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #9 » Internet Bride (Nan's Humor Challenge)
Open Poetry #9
Post A Reply Post New Topic Internet Bride (Nan's Humor Challenge) Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

0 posted 2000-09-03 03:21 PM



He saw her photo on the Internet
Wearing a babushka on her head
Golden hair and delft blue eyes
Her lips full and cherry red

She said she wanted just to be
An American girl all her life
Said she was looking for a kind-hearted man
To woo her and make her his wife

She promised true devotion
And a brood of 10 kids or more
She loved to cook and clean
And was willing to do much more!

She said she had a degree in
Nuclear Fusion and Astronomy
That she could pole vault faultlessly
And hoped for Russian autonomy

He sent her money to pay her fare
Wrote sonnets to her many charms
Told all his friends she’d be coming
Into his waiting arms.


Meanwhile in a Russian village:


Zay call me Olga da Porkling
‘cause my fist is big as a ham
no man here vill marry wez me
zay say it’s mean I yam

Ze mudder make me sign up
For American groom you zee
He’ll pay gold to take me avay
Zen my zister get husband for free

Each week my zweetie zend me
Hundred ‘Merican bucks in za mail
I gev it to my mudder to
Keep my brudder outta jail

Zoon it vill be time to go
To live in za land of plenty
I vant to be mud vrestler
Zince I vas young girl of twenty

I may be zirty nine years old
And ugly so my mudder zay
But I know vhat ‘merican men want
Zis Olga know how to play

The meeting:

At half past ten on Saturday
Our hero stood at the gate
For this was the day he’d prayed for
And he hoped her plane wasn’t late

So tall and handsome, was he,
Wearing dockers and a shirt
Anxiously anticipating her
In a tight, leather mini skirt

As the plane emptied, he stared
Looking for his blonde goddess to alit
When all of a sudden he was grabbed
And squeezed uncomfortably tight

Wearing overalls and muddy boots
Was the bride he’s sworn to adore
She smelled like a pigpen and
Must’ve been at least six foot four

Olga smiled at her new hubby
‘zis iz vonderful day for me
ven do we get to do it
‘been vaiting patiently

Our hero paled at this thought
And tried to back away
“come here my lubchink lover
it’s time vor us to play

At that dear Olga drew out a football
Threw it long right then and there
Our hero ran long to catch it
And tripped on someone’s chair

He jumped up and kept running
No one has seen him since
And Olga, poor Russian bride
Was sent back to her hometown of Minsk!



© Copyright 2000 Poet deVine - All Rights Reserved
doreen peri
Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812
Virginia
1 posted 2000-09-03 03:29 PM


VERY well done, sharon!!!

ROFL!!! this is priceless!  

BSC
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-02-04
Posts 2919
New York, USA
2 posted 2000-09-03 05:12 PM


OMG ROFL           I LOVE THIS SHARON, I'm laughing so hard I'm snorting...sound kinda like ol' Olga I imagine.  Bonnie
English Rose
Member
since 2000-08-20
Posts 211
Berkshire, England
3 posted 2000-09-03 06:11 PM



He he    you are so funny....that was great!!

Steve B
Member
since 2000-08-07
Posts 140
Southern PA
4 posted 2000-09-03 06:14 PM


de vinely funny... actually roflmao funny.. very good....äà ìíîãî çàáàâíûé
             Steve B  

Honeybee
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA
5 posted 2000-09-03 06:15 PM



Omigod LMAO!  You are the queen of humour, this is priceless.  I loved it!

Take care,
Melissa Honeybee


The beauty of poetry gives my soul wings to fly free within dreams



Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
6 posted 2000-09-03 06:24 PM


deVine~
Lord !  Lord !
This is just uproariously hysterical !
Too, too much !
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
7 posted 2000-09-03 06:33 PM


ROFL-this was beautifully presented in it's form and I laughed all the way through it.  You have penned quite a tale.  Loved it much.
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
8 posted 2000-09-03 09:19 PM


Thank you all for your kind replies..it gives me great joy to know I've made someone smile!    
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

9 posted 2000-09-03 09:40 PM


Good choice for the challenge, Sharon! ROFL   .....just like the first time I read it!

Denise

catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone
10 posted 2000-09-03 11:36 PM


Sharon, too hilarious. I have been laughing from the beginning. Great stuff!
Catalinamoon

Chanson
Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559
Up Creek w/Out Paddle
11 posted 2000-09-03 11:44 PM


Sooooo funny!  

I'm joining the rest on the floor...laughing!
                   

--...chanson~

"Music, when soft voices die,
Vibrates in the memory..."
P.B. Shelley



WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245
Illinois
12 posted 2000-09-03 11:56 PM


LMBO!! Olga! What a picture LOL....
You've outdone yourself! And a smile? You made us ROLL with LAUGHTER not just a  

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
13 posted 2000-09-04 11:04 AM


h3>This is toooooooooooooooooo funny....
          

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

14 posted 2000-09-04 11:12 AM


Now how did I miss zis?  ROFL...
LM
Senior Member
since 2000-08-03
Posts 585

15 posted 2000-09-04 11:46 AM


Ha ha...funny...  
Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
16 posted 2000-09-04 04:46 PM


PDV How did I miss this first time around?
Soooooo Funny. ROTFLLMAO. LOL. *LAUGHS* ROTFL
                                    
Kethry


"It is the image in the mind that links us to lost treasures;
but it is the loss that shapes the image,
gathers the flowers weaves the garland."-

Romy
Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170
Plantation, Florida
17 posted 2000-09-04 04:55 PM


This is hilarious! Great poem!
LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

18 posted 2000-09-04 05:12 PM


ROFLMGBO!!!!



      

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde
"The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea

LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

19 posted 2000-09-04 05:13 PM


ROFLMGBO!!!!



      

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde
"The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
20 posted 2000-09-04 05:19 PM


Indeed a funny and very interesting poem...James
Moon Dust
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 1999-06-11
Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK
21 posted 2000-09-04 05:29 PM


hehehe you are the queen of hummor

What I write and others read is your own experiance and perceptions.

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
22 posted 2000-09-04 05:33 PM


Thanks so much for the laugh...this was great!!!
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

23 posted 2000-10-08 09:46 PM


Indeed this is priceless,Oh Sharon, hehe it vas so gud to rid dis again, my luvely gel heheh.  
Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
24 posted 2013-03-10 03:09 AM


This is just plain funny and very well written.  Thank you, PdV.

A

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
25 posted 2013-03-10 09:01 AM


I just love seeing the goodies from days of yore resurface..
Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #9 » Internet Bride (Nan's Humor Challenge)

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary