navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #9 » Between You And Me
Open Poetry #9
Post A Reply Post New Topic Between You And Me Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
ladysixstring
Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374


0 posted 2000-08-31 12:31 PM


Ever wonder
Is there anything besides what's under
The sheets
With me
Between you and me


Ever conceive
There could be anything more you need
From me
With me
Between you and me


Ever believe
This is a real life version of fantasy
Right here
With me
Between you and me


Ever imagine
You will ever find the kind of passion
You found
With me
Between you and me


Ever decide
How you'll make me cry... say good-bye
To me
To me
Good-bye to you and me


-
< !signature-->

-jaimie

Website: www.ladysixstring.com


-

[This message has been edited by ladysixstring (edited 08-31-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Jaimie D. Travis - All Rights Reserved
Auguste
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953
By the sea
1 posted 2000-08-31 01:39 PM


Good afternoon, Jaimie...

I liked it?  It was like you were thinking out loud, posing questions that you might want to ask...and probing questions at that.

Take care,
Michael


Proust-
"Love is space and time measured by the heart"

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
2 posted 2000-08-31 01:41 PM


nice song..

very nicely done...
loved the last stanza...

regards to you O Jaimie,
sudhir

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
3 posted 2000-08-31 01:48 PM


Sings of sweet honesty in life.  very nicely written and when read out loud it is very taunting.
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

4 posted 2000-08-31 02:31 PM


Hi Jaime, I enjoyed the implied sense of bitterness in this piece and casual format.

~ Claire

(Please do not post this comment on your website. As always, I prefer to keep my words where I can see them. Thanks  )



Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau


Romy
Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170
Plantation, Florida
5 posted 2000-08-31 02:36 PM


very good read, nice use of repetition!
Debbie

Cerenity
Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 2637
Escondido-California
6 posted 2000-08-31 02:40 PM


Hi Ladysixstring,

Songs of beauty, song of sadness, does it really matter when togetherness has a place between the sheets, its outside the realm of this fantasy one becomes a question or at least that is how I preceive it, you are a wonderful poet very much enjoyed.

Love, Cerenity


"God doesn't have to be reminded that we exist.
We have to be reminded that He exist!"

(Writer Unknown)


ma miller
Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 806

7 posted 2000-08-31 02:41 PM


this is a unique style, ladysixstring ... i like ... well done
Paula Finn
Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546
missouri
8 posted 2000-08-31 02:44 PM


So many hard questions you ask...makes ya think
ladysixstring
Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374

9 posted 2000-08-31 03:36 PM


To Everyone... Thank you once again for stopping by and for taking the time to comment.  I apologize that unfortunately I don't have time to thank you each individually.  Still, you are all greatly appreciated.

Dear Meadowmuse, You brought an important point to mind... I should have asked.  Consider them gone - give or take 5 minutes.  I'm uploading new pages now.  Thank you!  


-

-jaimie

Website: www.ladysixstring.com

Parker
Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129
ON
10 posted 2000-08-31 04:45 PM


Love the way you write, very powerful, and yes the last verse really ends it perfect.


Parker

ladysixstring
Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374

11 posted 2000-08-31 05:16 PM


Thank you Haleyja.
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
12 posted 2000-08-31 05:20 PM


Very nice format and nice soft thoughts...James
Steve B
Member
since 2000-08-07
Posts 140
Southern PA
13 posted 2000-09-01 05:38 PM


Jaimie ~ life plays ones heartstrings many different ways, its good to keepthem in tune,
liked this much  Steve B  

LM
Senior Member
since 2000-08-03
Posts 585

14 posted 2000-09-01 07:04 PM


Hey  
Really nice poem, liked it a lot!

CocoBaci
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043

15 posted 2000-09-01 08:30 PM


Hi Jaimie, just came peeking thru and am glad I did this poem is a great read!  Kinda claws at the heart  

Coco

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #9 » Between You And Me

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary