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Open Poetry #9
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Is He Crying
| Open Poetry #9 |
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Is He Crying |
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ladysixstring Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374
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Confessions arise Because of your lies Look in my eyes and tell me what you're denying Hearts left to break Cars and stereos to take Look at yourself and tell me if you're trying Addictions to feed Is it the money you need Look at your dreams and tell me if you're flying Victims to meet Babies living in the street Look into their hell and tell me if their frying Too little to late You taught your children to hate Look into their souls and tell me if their dying You take it to church Sometimes open your purse Look into your heart and tell me what you're buying A man on the cross But your soul is still lost Look into His eyes and tell me if He's crying - -jaimie Website: www.ladysixstring.com |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jaimie D. Travis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
You have penned a wonderful verse on an all too real fact of life today. I lovet the ending and yes I would beleive he is. Wonderful write my friend. |
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susanbartee Member
since 2000-08-15
Posts 119Channelview, TX USA |
ladysixstring - so beautiful. I second Mark's comments and I too was so touched by the last verse. Sincerely great work here!! |
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Sunnyone Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334Staffordshire, England |
ladysixstring... I think we all agree that the last verse is so touching, but I also have to add the I enjoyed the phrasing of the whole piece! It has a smooth flow.....great job!! Today is a gift.... That is why they call it 'the Present'! |
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ladysixstring Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374 |
Thanks guys! This is one of my first pieces... so it's a few years old. I appreciate you stopping by to read. -jaimie Website: www.ladysixstring.com |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I like the poem due to its realism. The wording very modern and finely put. Good job! |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
I think this one shows that you started out with raw passion and reading your later works here shows us how well you're honing your art... keep posting em ladysix.. we like em |
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Auguste
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953By the sea |
Jaimie, I found this very moving, my friend. It touched me deeply. You're such a good writer. Michael by Michael Auguste "But I am so like everyone. And everyone is so like me We cork our contents, lest they flee Until our lives are spent and d |
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Michael G Senior Member
since 2000-06-25
Posts 579Nashville |
hey Jamie! I like this one, really brings out the best of your writing, keep it going!!! Cheers..... |
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sonjes Senior Member
since 2000-02-18
Posts 564North Carolina |
This was really fine writing...I think social commentaries and glimpses into people's souls are extremely difficult things to write...but you do it with a flair. Don't care what people say Just follow your own way Don't give up and use the chance To return to innocence. -Enigma |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
Jamie- When they open up for submissions to the next Voices on the web - I think you should submit this - I think it's that good! |
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