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Open Poetry #9
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Undertow
| Open Poetry #9 |
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Undertow |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia 
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Minivanned waves of Suburbia sucking pulling in undertow Drowning swelling crests of middle class serfdom through another day of happy meal hell Blondish brandishers of overstated implanted life jackets bobbing up, down stepfording in step selfing themselves feigning they aren't sucking out to sea turn into the water in which they drown the next cummer wondering how they drifted so far And tonite one becomes a woman again in dreams |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
your writing never ceases to intrigue me... this one is very special... i love the way you coin new words, creating imagery with syllables... it's a very good piece... yes! thank you |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
so much here.... "Minivanned waves of suburbia sucking..." gotta love that one....AND.... "happy meal hell..." AND... "stepfording in step..." Yes!!! Yes!!! Yes!!! (and in case you couldn't guess, I enjoyed this very much...LOL...) |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Awesome - and there's much to be said for rural hermitage.... Who needs those "blondish brandishers of overstated implanted life jackets" anyway?...  |
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Corazon Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209 |
well I gotta tell my happy meal hell story from yesterday...only 2 cars ahead of me and in line for 20 minutes, finally got to the window, and could see my order...diet coke for me...happy meal for the little one....(if it hadn't been for the little one I would have just driven off they made me so mad) well they kept handing out everyone elses orders and leaving me there.....mild mannered granny blew her top...parked the car and went inside and said here's the money can't I just pay for my (insert cuss word here) order and get out of here? and of course they looked at me like I was totally out of order........sigh oh....did I say great poem......I agree with doreen, your verbage and wording create images unique to you.......love your writing |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
doreen... takes one to know one..  spank you very much...Nan... I'm with ya... green acres is the place to be... Corazon... they luv to see you smile... as do I... Serenity... thanks for the read... I'm glad you liked it... thanks all for the comments. |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
Your choice of words and the creation of others leaves a pleasant smile upon my face. You have a wonderful gift of vision and one of bringing it to us is such a unique way. Thank you for the chuckles as I read the obsurdness of the life we so easily are lead to live. Like little robots of never thought. Well done. Blondish brandishers of overstated implanted life jackets bobbing up, down stepfording in step selfing themselves feigning they aren't sucking out to sea turn into the water in which they drown the next cummer wondering how they drifted so far |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I should think this deserves another go round... |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Quite admirable, your phraseology. ~ Claire Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
Great write! And I really liked the happy meal hell...been there! Done that! Too many times. jwesley |
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