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I am alone as all get out (simile)
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I am alone as all get out (simile) |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
Here I sit unattractive as dandruff wide as a church door, watching as he, struts like a rooster in a coup full of chickens making his way across the room. Slick as a salesman in two-tone shoes, showing off like a new design at a fashion show. And I am as certain as lightning that he’s headed for the one with the lips like a red slash, who bats her eyes and picks at the hem of her too-short skirt, nothing more to her then a hank of hair and a hunk of bone. Cheap as lies. I see them, meshed together like peas in soup and I feel cold, cold as the last man on a too-short toboggan. My heart splits open like an old sand bucket, Because he’s my husband and I’m attached to him like a trailer hitch stuck like glue. And I feel mad as a wet hen, and as hopeless as a chess player without a king piece. Knowing as well as a dogs sense of smell, that underneath his smile, all lit up like the fourth of July, he’s as rotten as cheese spotted with spores. Crooked as old teeth. And she’s not worth the drool on my pillow no sense getting out of control like a cat fight over her but, someday, when I’m light as a feather and pretty as a peach, he’ll be as sorry as the day he was born. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Deborah L. Carter - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Debbie - just to let you know I am getting to this!  KJust a tad busy right now... |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Debbie, this is great I really loved the first stanza |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Wow! HUGS |
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Rex Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 482Houston, Texas |
Very, very good! Excellent read. Thanks. Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquility. -William Wordsworth- |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
Thanks everybody, this was fun to write! I tried to use as many similies as I could, just to see how it might turn out! I love these workshop projects! Debbie |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hey Debbie - it's actually really awesome to hear you love the projects...as long as they are wanted they will be done.... And we need the feedback to know they are helpful and fun - so thankyou!!!!  Now, onto your poem... 'tried to use as many similes as [you] could, just to see how it might turn out' Cool! That is how it turned out! LOL...you have used some wonderful images in this... my favourites: 'meshed together like peas in soup' 'and as hopeless as a chess player without a king piece' 'And she’s not worth the drool on my pillow' Many of your similes have really added strength to the theme of the poem I feel... If it hadn't been your intent to inundate it with similes I would have said it might be overdone - but as you intended to squeeze in as many as possible...lol...I think you have done admirably! There is one thing I am not too sure of, and that is 'as certain as lightning'...this personification is a little ambigious I feel - I'm just not sure what you mean by it. This is cool stuff Debbie! K |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
Severn, I really do look forward to the projects! Bring them on! (everything but ballads that is) Lol...I just don't think I have the knack for those! I tried to use different similies that I have read or heard. "Certain as lightning" is a phrase that I used to overhear at home as a child. Another one was "right as rain" Just a dialect thing I guess. Thanks for your reply, it was fun! Debbie |
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Rayz Junior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 13Fresno, CA, U.S.A |
Debbie, that was so good, I really loved the way you put everything, it just made the poem spring to life. It was very very good. Great job Ray |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Sure as the day after the night you have penned a poem filled, with as many similies as there could be placed... and you have created a lovely feeling around the poem... In the context of the challenge, you have exceedingly well... regards to you debbie, sudhir. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Debbie, sorry it took me so long, and that I can offer no more constructive help than the others have given you! (I can't even find anythign to disagree with Kamla on here, sigh) But I did want to let you know that I enjoyed reading your contribution! Christopher |
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