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Rained |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095
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wind blown and into my heart you fall bouncing around the kitchen of my soul you a flash of light you blinded me of my sight with days spent on cloud number nine forever my heart beats your name as you turn like the wind and fall like rain I am tumbled windward, drenched of your weather I am a lost rainbow Angel of Darkness July 2000 Yes, I am here, but I am dead, not alive, my body goes on, my spirit has died and I though alive, feel dead inside. "Rose Petal" |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Yikes! This is good...somehow I've never mastered this style..you do it so well Maree!  |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
sharon is so right .. you do do it very well indeed ... this was the right one to post Maree ... really excellent ..  MP |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
....and all the names througout the world were jealous. For there was only one for which the beautiful lost rainbow did beat. Its rhythmic longing not meant for their ears. But they could earnestly say-- Maree what magnificent colors you do portray! WONDERFUL Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Back where it belongs I see...lol... well now lady...you know I love it...  I'll give it a good going over (compulsive you know) in a wee while. K |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
miss angel i am writing to say this is a fine poem maybe a little too fine but who am i to say that o i am just here to be lame with my banter but i do love this i do i do |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Angel of Darkness, Liked the image very well... Wonderful and fine piece of writing... Though for my selfish delight, I would have liked the third stanza a bit different... if you could change the similes into metaphors there... and if the turning becomes a twisting, would it not become a more impressive sight... just me, hope you do not mind... just a thought... A fine piece indeed! regards, sudhir |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hmmm just read what Sudhir had to say, and - yeah..he has a point hon! Lol... Going to try experimenting? I have a few suggestions - only a few cause I actually really really love this pretty much as it is - like I said and YOU didn't seem to believe me - lol... What do you think about changing the last lines to 'I am a rainbow lost'? I don't know - just seems to help the flow a bit dearest... 'I am tumbled windward, drenched of your weather' LOVE this Maree... And I was just going to suggest cutting out the 'and' in the second line so it reads: 'wind blown into my heart you fall' whatcha think??? All in all I think this is such a soft beautiful poem...it nearly made me cry (and THAT is an achievement!! LOL) Hugs K |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Hmm... a lost rainbow. What a sad, yet beautiful image. |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Thank you for your lovely reply hon MP, thank you, yes I too am glad I posted this one thank you Jamie "sigh" your replies re always so sweet and wonderful Thank you. Mr Walt, I thank you for your reply and am glad you like it Sudhir, yes I understand what you are saying here "Twisting" will be more impressive. Will give it ago Thank you my fiend for taking the time. Severrrrn..... Now SB, I will try experimeting Your suggestion "I am a Rainbow lost" I love it!, so yes dear I will certainly change that wind blown into my heart you fall yes I agree WOW heheh it nearly made you cry? Sheesh that is an acheivement!!! heheh kidding hon.. not as much as " bouncing around the kitchen of my soul" made me cry! hehehe Well K, thanks for taking the time (which I know you don't have much of)to read this again and the suggestions hon. I really DO appreciate it *hugs*Christopher....yes sad indeed, BUT beautiful! Thank you for your reply. |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
You know... I think we all agree with Sudhir...lol |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Maree ..lol ..do you REALLY think Sudhir is devilish?   MP [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 07-19-2000).] |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Nice spotting MP ... a fiend indeed!!!! LOL   giggles all around... regards, sudhir [This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (edited 07-19-2000).] |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
MP, devilish indeed!! heheheSudhir *wink* |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Hey Sudhir may I add... "devilishly cute" ? |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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