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Unmotion (Metaphor poem etc)
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Unmotion (Metaphor poem etc) |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704
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I am motion shunned here, in all corners, around my wintered roads. Ennui, my only friend, one pinch could screech I am alive, so how I hold back my flesh from the glee of reaching memory. I’m there in a disbelieving eye, catching impossibility’s flight, I am all despair and every person’s throat-torn cry, I am the loose walk of the lost, the steps of nowhere. Yet, I huddle most inside, movelessness my breech against the cope of pace, a prisoner of abberation in need of untimed night. The sun’s drag is curse, and my shadow traitored, against inertial I, the child of halcyon strayed, the haunter of peaced-past way. It is safe, I say, to darken out my breath, let rise leavened light unaware of my dissent, here I will freeze in the heat of my cease. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Kamla, you never cease to amaze me hon, this is incredible...you really have stuck to the one metaphor... moveless...and how wonderfully effective it is. Excellent!!  Yes, I am here, but I am dead, not alive, my body goes on, my spirit has died and I though alive, feel dead inside. "Rose Petal" |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
yup ...no doubt about it Lady K this is pretty amazing ... i'll be back later ..meantime very very well done SP |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Very good poem Severn...I love metaphors. this one is outstanding Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
So THAT'S what a meta's for!!! Excellent writing, Severny one. If I had to choose one person on the site to write metaphors, it would certainly be you....this poem proves me right  |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Jaw dropping imagery. love this poem "I've been too honest with myself I should have lied like everybody else" faster-Manic street preachers. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Well everyone - just dropping in to say thankye all very much...  I appreciate your comments...  K |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
theres no checkbox for this one sniff yuh its really good and everything |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Kamla, This is Breathtaking stuff... You have an amazing control of the English language... I could have never imagined putting up words like ennui, halcyon, leavened... WOW... just a very miniscule blemish.. you seem to have spelled aberration as abberation.. sorry to point this one... but would hate to see a typo come in way of a truly brilliant poem. My best regards, Sudhir |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Oh Walty - thanks for the sentiment. Hugs Sudhir babe - thankyou my friend...lol!! Even the greatness that is Severn....(tongue in cheek humour here...) is capable of typos..haha... K |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Well I think it sucks... OK, I don't, but I can't let you think I'm growing soft or something!!! K - these lines spoke to me: around my wintered roads. Many, many of them. Amazing isn't it.. the roads remain frozen even in the light of "summer" eh? the glee of reaching memory. 'nuff said... poetry and all that. in need of untimed night. Ahh, but where is the escape? ...here I will freeze in the heat of my cease. Frozen? I think not, but a lovely way to put it! *wink* Marvellous work m'girl... surprising, deep (a touch arrogant!) All in all... you. si bueno!C. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Arrogant? HUMPH!!! Yeah...maybe...in what vein precisely? The content? The style...I figure the style if it is as you say 'me' - lol...HAHAHA... I appreciate this thankyou C (and I'm still thinking of 'night untimed' btw...) K |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Perhaps I was thinking in too simple of terms... but i took "in need of untimed night" to mean the prisoner lay there counting the moments until the light of day.. which we all know sleepless nights watching the clock last forever..... but then I am simple minded---lol Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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