Obscene Alchemy (thanx to bsquirrel )

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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

0 posted 2000-02-24 01:51 AM

((A circle now, from a triangle grew,
after careful honing of edges.
Rounded corners, point retired--
tears and broken pledges.

Pieces of her, all swept up--
like someone scooping dross--
Back turned, discreet,
discarding gross--
to no one mutters, "never was..."
It wasn't.

Suddenly, (or gradually)
who really pays attention?
An obscene alchemy occurred--
madness re-invented.

A corner made sharp entrance,
and spiked him through the heart...
Summoned priests, arm-in-arm:
"Evil Now Depart."
Chanting now, they all agree,
"she's not what she appears to be."

Total Dose--manna--prescribed,
enough to set sanity reeling.
They chant again, smug in reply:
"You do not know what you are feeling."

A vessel once, now made a sieve.
My friend is dying--
dying to live.
She wants back every piece of her.
Even ugly, burning, hurt.

Every angle meets attack.
Without them all she feels is lack.
Forward?
First, she must go back.

Toes on high-rise,
white on ledge...
"nothing," she sighed,
"has no edge."

'b'squirrel, i hope you'll forgive me for the "borrow," it was just one of those lines i loved so much, i had to make explain why.

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

1 posted 2000-02-24 02:04 AM

This is fabulous....Loved it. Even comes with a moral...LOL Great poem.

michael

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

2 posted 2000-02-24 10:43 AM

wow serenity...this is excellent...and isnt wonderful to be so inspired by someone elses words...its the ultimate compliment to another poet. you have a quite a talent.
take care, janet marie
PS>> now wheres my dictionary...I just gotta know what a couple of those words mean(smile)

...there are places inside all our souls...
that have never been touched...
there are places inside our hearts...
that need to be loved this much...
Janet Marie

*I miss you baby...
I love you, always.*

Corinne
Member Ascendant

since 1999-10-28

Posts 5167
state of confusion

3 posted 2000-02-24 10:53 AM

Some deep images here, dark contrasts against light backgrounds...

Very well written!

Corinne

spiked
Senior Member

since 2000-01-13

Posts 873
Hammond, La USA

4 posted 2000-02-24 03:14 PM

Well written leaves me confused and disoriented at the same time.
Leave it to you to make my head spin serenity.lol
Love the end

Rich

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

5 posted 2000-02-24 05:48 PM

Michael--worth it just to make you laugh.

Janet Marie--thank you, thank you, for your
         incredibly kind words.

Corinne--much appreciation, I've been
         enjoying your work as well.

Spiked--made your head spin?  Like Linda
        Blair?  Perhaps we should call in a
        couple of priests for you!  But ,
        please, spare me the split-pea soup!
        A special thank you from me to you,
        for all of your kindness, and intro-
        ducing me to the forum.

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

6 posted 2000-02-25 12:15 PM

Jeez, I never would've noticed this if you hadn't messages me over my latest poem thinking I was mad at you. Funny how things work out.

What can I say? I really enjoyed this poem, and believe me, I have no problem with what you did. All writers borrow from each other. This is taking stuff from other work and giving it a new context -- making it your own. If you'd just set off one of my poems in quotes and called it yours, THEN I'd be mad.

Frankly, I'm a little bit touched that you think enough of my work to give it that treatment. Thanks.

Mike

Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite

since 2000-01-30

Posts 2863
Sippin a Timmy's in London

7 posted 2000-02-25 12:52 PM

Hi serenity ... been back to read this poem several times and have come to the conclusion that at best I can only guess as to its meening ... it's starting to haunt me

Rex}<{{{{o>

I'm not ugly!
I'm just visually challenged!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

8 posted 2000-02-25 12:53 PM

Oh no, no, no, all thanks go to you! 23? You have got to be kidding...

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

9 posted 2000-02-25 12:56 PM

Nope, not kidding. Believe me, I'd be like most other 23 year olds out here if it weren't for my past, which forced me into a very self-aware, observational, reflective way of dealing with life. Hence my poems, and the sometimes wisdom and experience within. Traumatic childhoods swing both ways -- good and bad.

Mike

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