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Open Poetry #6
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I scare myself sometimes...
| Open Poetry #6 |
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I scare myself sometimes... |
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mete out Member
since 2000-02-16
Posts 270england |
"I am going to kill myself." I used to say that so flippantly when I was younger, But then I had no way of knowing how much I would rely and depend on death and mortality. I scare myself, When I realise just how much I hate myself, how much I loath my body, how littleI value anything I am- how I fight against anyone who says that I am good at anything. I feel so much hate surging through me, But the hate is ****ing useless because it is directionless; I cannot blame a sectionable amount of people -it seems to be everyone. This blame leads me to analyse everyone, their actions, their motivations,thier reasonings until they become plastic. I scrape and scratch away at them, until they no longer exist and Inhave no-one left left to turn to. I am not a preacher, I just speak the world as I see it. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Louise Parsons - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Danny Holloway Member Elite
since 2000-01-15
Posts 2034Tulsa, OK |
Wow, that was some ride you took me on. So before you over analyze me too much, let me say that I found your writing interesting, in a desparate sort of way. If posting your feelings (assuming their really yours after looking at your e-mail address) offers you an outlet of some kind, I encourage you to continue to do so. I believe a lot of interesting work could be written about much of what you mention in this posting. Anyway, not sure if this means much to you, but you exist and have something to say, so start saying it. I will be watching! Danny |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
No one is ever useless sweetheart, no matter how bad life may seem or get...it just takes the right people to bring out in us our special qualities and even when they don't, survival kicks in.. HUGS Ouvrir mon coeur et âme |
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Cerenity Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 2637Escondido-California |
Mete out, I have been to this point in my life and no amount of praise truthful or not seem to help my look at things, but I have found in this time of need space to be a friend to me because it gave me a chance to zone and not worrie about what every body else thought. It's nice to see your courage to speak the truth, may you find peace of mind. Cerenity-1 |
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mete out Member
since 2000-02-16
Posts 270england |
***Danny, I have been writing constructivley for around 4 years and it has proved to be an amazingly effective outlet. Your words did mean alot to me as a matter fact. Thankyou.  ***RainbowGirl, You are right, it takes just a few loving and caring people to bring out our true qualities. I have found a number of these here at Passions...thankyou for being one of them. ***Cerenity-1, I am very grateful to your words. I believe that I am on my way to finding comfort and peace. Thankyou for your support on this front.  I am not a preacher, I just speak the world as I see it. |
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Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
I liked the stark emtio in this piece, very raw. I can relate to the feelings you describe here though I struggle against them on a daily basis. Well done.  |
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AnthonyEV1 Junior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 17St. Charles, IL, USA |
Excelent poem mete out. We all think of suicide I think, but don't go through with it. Don't even attempt it, they put you in a mental hospital and give you mental evaluations and then you have to start going to therapy and they think your crazy hehe, I know this because I've been through it a few months ago... Was one of the worst mistakes of my life, luckily one of my friends that never knocks or anything, just walks in, came over. Or else I wouldent be here right now. So if you think your life is in a down spot, it gets in more of a down spot when you try it and they think your crazy hehe. So stay away from sharp objects! Oh, and about you not accepting complaments well..... This poem was excelent, outstanding, had a lot of feeling into it, was something I could relate to, something I couldent write for sure cause of how good it was , and you are VERY MUCH SO good at writing poems. And if you don't like getting complaments from people, to bad they will come as long as you keep writting poems so... ((sticks his tongue out at you)) hehe. [This message has been edited by AnthonyEV1 (edited 03-10-2000).] |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Very very powerful. It is indeed scary the thoughts we have about ourselves sometimes. I can relate to this. Exellent work, keep it up. *Krista Knutson* "Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul...." ~*Sarah McLachlan- Do What You Have To Do*~ |
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mete out Member
since 2000-02-16
Posts 270england |
***Marilyn, Thankyou. It certainly helps to knoew that there are people reading my poems that can empathise with them. It kind of makes it more worthwhile writing them. ***Anthony, Thankyou for your support and concern. I realise now, that I have way too much to live for to go through what I was thinking about when I wrote this. I hope thatyour experience has changd your outlook and you can strive onwards. I hope so because we'd be losing a great person otherwise. ***Alwye, Again, your ability to elate to this one helps my frame of miind so much. WE all have thoughts at some time or another that we must be the only person that feels how we do...posting at Passions has changed that for me. Thankyou.  I am not a preacher, I just speak the world as I see it. |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
This is very powerful Mete. Your words left me haunted and I had to re-group before replying....You have an amazing way with words and an amazing way of looking at the you inside and letting it out....your strength shows in your writing. Amazingly done. *Angel wing hugs* Whatever strength I add to myself becomes my greatest weakness, while whatever weakness I'll consciously endure will be replaced with a strength that is not my own. G. Finley |
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Enola Member
since 2000-02-11
Posts 138England |
The thing that always impresses me about your poetry, is the way it is crammed with brutal honesty. No images concealing your feelings, just pure in-your-face emotion. It has such impact on the reader. I am constantly startled at how well you do this. As usual, I know exactly how you feel. I'm finding that liking myself is merely knowing who's right and who's wrong and standing by what I believe in. In short, learning to stick up for, and have respect for myself. I feel so much hate surging through me, But the hate is ****ing useless because it is directionless; The hate is all stuck inside, manically rushing around, becoming more intense by the second and there is no way to release it. I think the lyric "I hurt myself to get pain out" is appropriate here. Am I right? Even now that I don't get like that so often, it's comforting (and yet distressing,) to know that I'm not the only one. The pain does go, but like most things in life, the way out of it is the hard one. Love & Hugs -x- The tragedy of it is that nobody sees the look of desperation on my face. Thousands and thousands of us, and we're passing one another without a look of recognition. |
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mete out Member
since 2000-02-16
Posts 270england |
***Debs, Tankyou, thankyou, thankyou!! Please check your e-mail!!! Love Louise xxx I am not a preacher, I just speak the world as I see it. |
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David2 Member
since 2000-03-22
Posts 407 |
I spent three years of my life feeling the way you described. It was a bit unpleasant to relive those feelings but you presented them very vividly. David2 |
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infinat3 sadn3ss Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 85somerset england |
as yet , i havent read one piece of your poetry i cant totally and utterly f***ing agree with . as debs said , pure , unadulterated emotion . you are always there for me i am always here for you love always u know who |
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PhaerieChild Senior Member
since 1999-08-30
Posts 1787Aloha, Oregon |
Very stark!!! Makes it extremely powerful but I think that you found a glimmer of hope. The fact that you are here and writing attests to that. I like the in-your-face approach. Leaves no room for misinterpretation. No beating around the bush with you...I like that. Excellent read and keep writing...alot...it's very soul soothing. Poetry~ Words falling on paper, painting a dream. Shawna R. Holder Boise, Idaho |
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mete out Member
since 2000-02-16
Posts 270england |
***David2, Thank you. I'm glad that you enjoyed the poem, and I hope you are over the worst of your pain. ***Cabes, Thank you from the bottom of my soul/ You know that your comments mean so much to me. I sincerly feel that if we had not have met, there would be a part of me that would be incomplete. Thankyou so much Cabey Babey! ***WildChild, You are right that I have found some hope. Thankyou for delving so deep here. I am not a preacher, I just speak the world as I see it. |
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