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Open Poetry #6
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Sonnet
| Open Poetry #6 |
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Sonnet |
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Echo Rhayne Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495Canyon Country, CA 
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The heaven where upon the gates I stand- Earth still prevails ‘neath the intricate sky. Angels sing above thy resplendent hand. Above life’s coarse whisper, faintly thy cry. Rest, neglect your bitter remembrance be- Cling within the feeble incoming dawn! Now from the gracious night you lightly flee, Till the gold gates are closed, thee now is gone. Blood drops create life’s last dark end of day; Who lie unknown beneath the ground and stone. Take wait with time thy beauty turns to gray. Bitter deaths bring forth God’s enduring moan. Listen from your hard and forgotten mind. God fill’d your heart with all you need to find! I'm not waving, I'm drowning! |
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| © Copyright 2000 Echo Rhayne - All Rights Reserved | |||
Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
I Like It great read Jeffrey |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Melanie, I'm so glad to see you post again! You don't know how much I've missed your work! This is Majestic sweetie! He sure did fill us with all we need. If only we'd realize that  Big bear hugs to ya!!! |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Beautiful thoughts in this, Melanie! So glad to see you back here posting again! Nice to see your beautiful face again, too. I only had a two second glimpse at it before! (Melanie, will you please stop rolling your eyes like that!...hehehehe) Denise |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
Hi Melanie ....  So great to see you here again .. I've missed you and your wonderful talent ... Love the pic,too ...... "This is where you will win the battle .... in the playhouse of your mind." Maxwell Maltz |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
bump |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Hi melanie, Good to see you posting again. Wonderful piece you've come back with too. The last two lines say so much here. With so much going on in my life of late, that's a message I sure needed to here. Thank you so much. Michael |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
"God fill’d your heart with all you need to find!" The important thing is to recognize it when we see it... Nice job, Melanie.. |
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Mike Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462 |
Have missed your posts. Wonderfully written. |
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Echo Rhayne Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495Canyon Country, CA |
Jeffrey...Thank you! 'Becca...Yes I do know, you only tell me every time we talk and you didn't have to bump me!!!Denise...*rolling eyes and sticking out tongue* I think you can see through the 'puter screen and see me rolling my eyes, cause you always know when I do LoLPepper...Missed you too! *rolling eyes at the picture comment* Michael...Glad you got something out of it. Ive missed ya man! Nan...Thanks Nan! And you're right, the important thing is to recognize it when we see it! Mike...Thanks buddy...missed yours as well! I cant say that I will be around much, maybe just pop in once in a while, but I dont know as of yet! I need some opinions on this poem though...Does it sound Shakespearean at all to anyone? I know, I know, weird question, and I do have a reasonable answer to why Im asking, but not yet =) Just want some opinions if it does or not for now...any would be appreaciated! I'm not waving, I'm drowning! |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Echo~ Hello, young lady ! Good to see you again. Lovely comeback. Keep 'em coming. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Beautiful Melanie!! Glad to see you posting again What comes from the heart goes to the heart. Samuel Coleridge |
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Echo Rhayne Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495Canyon Country, CA |
Marge...Thanks, but not sure how many I will keep coming....Probably wont be posting much, but oh well Angel...Thank you I'm not waving, I'm drowning! |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Hey Melanie... To answer your question about "Shakespearean"... Your rhyme scheme, abab-cdcd-efef-gg, is definitely in order. Your meter just needs a little "nip and tuck" here and there to become consistent iambic pentameter. Your first line is perfect. Listen to the beat... -/-/-/-/-/.... If you modify the rest to coincide, you'll have a perfect Shakespearean sonnet... |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Melanie!! So good to see you (really see you!) again! You have been missed, and this poem is wonderful. .. I think that Nan has covered the form of the poem quite well, and I like the words that you have chosen, I can just see a Bard with his lute, singing to the crowd gathered at court. . . Excellent poem!! ------------------------------------------------------ That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
This is the first of yours I've had the pleasure to read, and I just loved it! Kathleen |
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redheart angrybraids Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 410honolulu, hawaii |
the words a beautifully put, i'm not a god person, but that doesn't matter i still think the poem is very well writen, and i know what you mean by the feeling of god. thank you for your well trained words. kindly, redheart angrybraids |
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