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Open Poetry #6
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Marilyn
Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

0 posted 2000-04-11 03:51 PM


CLICK!

Check the shutter speed.

CLICK!

Smile and pose for all to see.

CLICK!

Picture perfect family.

CLICK!

The empty chamber sounds.

CLICK!

He holds the camera as he did the gun.

CLICK!

She can never, ever leave.

CLICK!

There'd be no empty chamber.

BANG!


© Copyright 2000 Marilyn - All Rights Reserved
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
1 posted 2000-04-11 04:01 PM


This is so stark and frighteningly stong...Wow!
Pepper
Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079
Southern Florida
2 posted 2000-04-11 04:06 PM


WOW is right ! Marilyn, this is awesome!  Writing at it's best!
Bravo!  .....

 "Man is complex ....
he makes deserts bloom and lakes die."
Dr. Laurence J. Peter

RobertB
Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104
Champaign, IL
3 posted 2000-04-11 05:54 PM


Yikes Marilyn!
Esmeralda Ponsonby
Member
since 2000-04-02
Posts 138

4 posted 2000-04-11 06:06 PM


Wow, You've left me speechless
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
5 posted 2000-04-11 08:54 PM


Speachless here Marilyn....this one hits me hard and below the belt. Very effective writing   I'm sorry I can relate though.
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

6 posted 2000-04-11 10:28 PM


Very striking presentation...what an impact!

~ Claire

bobbycat
Member
since 2000-02-06
Posts 233
USA
7 posted 2000-04-11 11:07 PM


So few words, but so much impact....excellent work here--you definitely got my attention with the line:

"He holds the camera as he did the gun."

Liked lots.  

Bobbycat =^..^=


 ~~Blessed Be!~~


Rex Allen McCoy
Member Elite
since 2000-01-30
Posts 2863
Sippin a Timmy's in London
8 posted 2000-04-11 11:22 PM


Marilyn ... bite your pencil !!!

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
9 posted 2000-04-11 11:29 PM


Were you loaded when you wrote this???  

THIS is terrific, Marilyn. Great thoughts, few words and an extremely powerful impact. This is poetry, my girl....VERY well done.

Marilyn
Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada
10 posted 2000-04-12 07:42 AM


I just don't have the words to express how I am feeling about all of these amazing responses to this piece. I was sitting in my livingroom listening to the ticking of my clock. The word click came into my head and this followed. I knew it was powerful but never thought it would recieve this kind of responses. Thankyou all.  
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