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Open Poetry #6
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#2
| Open Poetry #6 |
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#2 |
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Elliott Junior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 35Chapel Hill, NC |
Troubled clouds huddle in a crowded sky A sparrow utters sparse reply To the falling leaves, which gather as they rest On the grass. Things pass, like water floating in the stream. Like forgotten faces, which once did seem To be all alone, but now travel in between Unsightly eyes. It won’t be long before the sun has set, Before the bearded bards have met For the last time, and I haven’t found just yet Reasons why. So for now I’ll try to understand The turning of the hand Of the clock, sitting beside your door. Remembering the last time we met, You had a certain air- a fallen angel With accumulated debt. Don’t expect me to recognize your face If you decide to come walking up to my door I once knew you, long before I met myself. Now things have changed, My slave is not yours anymore; Now you’re more likely to find me Sleeping upon the floor. How do you think you can help When you don’t even know yourself? Your tongue cannot taste the air that you breathe. Beware, for it’s going away, And now I must be on my way, For there are more urgent things to say- To people more willing to listen. c. 2000 DEM |
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| © Copyright 2000 Elliott - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Very beautifully written, Elliott! Denise |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
This one packs quite a punch...the last stanza doing a particularly wonderful job of bringing it all 'home'. "Your tongue cannot taste the air that you breathe" Interesting line, loved it! Glad you decided to start posting, keep it up!  May I never be too busy to help another's load, Then I'll be drinking from the saucer 'cause my cup has overflowed. --Author Unknown |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Remembering the last time we met, You had a certain air- a fallen angel With accumulated debt. Don’t expect me to recognize your face If you decide to come walking up to my door I once knew you, long before I met myself. Now things have changed, My slave is not yours anymore; Now you’re more likely to find me Sleeping upon the floor. How do you think you can help When you don’t even know yourself? Your tongue cannot taste the air that you breathe. Beware, for it’s going away, And now I must be on my way, For there are more urgent things to say- To people more willing to listen. --------------------- told ya, Id look for more(smile) this is very good too...I like the way your write...you go deep with your thoughts and emotions...but there is also this low key and quiet tone in your words...you say a lot of emotion with out giving it away, does that make sense? LOL well written...like your style. take care, jm The stars shine so bright, now's the time I close my eyes - soft wind touch my face, Cool sand upon the place where I once kissed you And held you close. Now I will reach for the stars... Because Oh my love, that's where you are... Though the storms of black night rage on I still see your face I still feel your lips on mine And though my heart feels all alone without you I still hear you sing to me I still hear your voice on the sea... vertical horizon |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Elliott~ I really like the thought behind this line - 'a fallen angel With accumulated debt' This poem needs a title ... may I suggest 'Fallen Angel' ? Enjoyed the read. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Songbird Member Elite
since 1999-12-15
Posts 2184Missouri |
Well written lines, I really enjoyed this read. |
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Mike Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462 |
Enjoyed the poem. Nicely done. |
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Destiny Junior Member
since 2000-03-25
Posts 47 |
I once knew you, long before I met myself. i love that... this is a wonderful piece. Destiny |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Elliott, very creative, this pen of yours. I extend my hand in welcome, and will be looking toward reading more of your work. Lovely poem...I enjoy the elemental aire. ~ Claire |
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