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Open Poetry #6
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rhymes and misdemeanor crimes- my first attempt at net immortality =)
| Open Poetry #6 |
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rhymes and misdemeanor crimes- my first attempt at net immortality =) |
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Elliott Junior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 35Chapel Hill, NC |
hi folks. i've been lurking, reading some of the stuff that's been posted, and enjoyed many. broke the silence and thought i might contribute a meager attempt. ---------------------- 1. It moved me not to see that aging sun hovering above our stage (the earth) at that late hour; for at such seemly times it chooses the things upon which it shines its spotlight. And it was nothing new for those loose willow branches to frame your face with ticklish leaves as the playful breeze tangled your hair; Standing there, I knew we were possessed by childhood, and I could feel the staff of our Lazarus; your lips smiled at what had become of us. My darling, this I will say if you’ll stand still to listen: if only I knew what not to fear I would be there instead of here, for this afternoon I read your words just as they fell, crumpled and folded into my trembling hands: I long to tell you she knows that I love you, all faces and spaces remain the same… But the sun barely shines without you, it will be hard to wait in the rain. And with that I fall back on your cloud: the sweet rhythms of your Spanish tongue had always threatened to corrupt the young. I feel it: around my ears- the singing clowns and the lively town; about my eyes- the swirling clouds and your virgin shroud; how could this be? Was it a fleeting glimpse of eternity? Those subtle rhythms of the Spanish tongue still threaten to corrupt the souls of the young. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Elliott - All Rights Reserved | |||
Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
Welcome to Passions, Elliot! You have some painful words here...I liked these lines: But the sun barely shines without you, it will be hard to wait in the rain. Very nice! Elizabeth "He have his goodness now. God forbid I take it from him!" -The Crucible |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
welcome to the flock elliot!!!! nice poem All Day I Dream About Stanzas!! |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Welcome to Passions, Elliott.. This is a pretty good entree... I look forward to reading more of your work.. Check your email for a special greeting..  |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Hello welcome to passions...looking forward to reading some more of your work  |
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SorrowsMystress Member
since 2000-04-01
Posts 178I'm a wanderer, a nomad...I don't live in one particular area, Just wherever I end up. |
This is a wonderful first impression! I loved the way you used your words. Welcome to passions! Looking forward to reading more from you "It was my love that did us both to death. " -Sylvia Plath |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Elliot~ A delicious morsel before us placed. Welcome to Passion's ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Welcome to Passions, Elliott! This is great writing! Denise |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
I must say, I'm quite taken by this poem! Such imagery you've used, this is wonderful. Welcome to Passions, and I look forward to reading more from you. May I never be too busy to help another's load, Then I'll be drinking from the saucer 'cause my cup has overflowed. --Author Unknown |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Elliot, this is a wonderful poem! Welcome to Passions. |
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Elliott Junior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 35Chapel Hill, NC |
thanks, guys! i enjoy the compliments, but please don't refrain from telling me if some aspect of my poetry sucks. i'm always trying to improve, and i need new ideas to do that. this was actually the first poem i've ever written...wrote it back in august. |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
~Elliott I don't think your poetry sucks lol! In fact I think it's damn good to be quite blunt...The imagery you used is amazing...and the words paint a picture for us to see! Thanks so much for sharing and I will be looking for more from you. Take care and Welcome to Passions! This is the coolest forum one can come to!! AMY ~Live today as though it were your last but prepare for tomorrow as though it were here~ |
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Elliott Junior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 35Chapel Hill, NC |
i'm gonna push this one back to the top, to say that it's been published in the campus literary journal here at school... |
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