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Open Poetry #6
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~ Lemon Lime ~ ( by the author of Witch Poem )
| Open Poetry #6 |
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~ Lemon Lime ~ ( by the author of Witch Poem ) |
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mini poet Member
since 2000-02-06
Posts 56Canada 
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thankyou for liking my poem I hope you like this one too Lemon Lime One early morning I got up out of bed I went to my dad said "wake up sleepy head" He rolled out of bed and staggerd down the stairs I followed down behind him with my fifteen teddy bears ~ He slumped down at the table for just a minute or two before I said "good morning" and then "how are you" "I'm fine" he said "but why did you wake me at such an early time" ~ As he asked I answered and urgent made it sound "Dad, I really am craving a glass of Lemon Lime" So to the fridge he staggered took out the little jug spilled some in a glass and watched me glug glug glug I dashed back up the stairs teddy bears and all With dad still in the kitchen staring at the wall ~~~ |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jennifer E McCoy - All Rights Reserved | |||
bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
mini poet, you have a whole heck of a lot of talent! Keep writing, by all means. You have great humor and such a wonderful eye for detail. Never lose those traits! Thanks for sharing. Mike |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Mini Poet, this was FUN!  -SEA |
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jascanvey Member
since 1999-12-26
Posts 130England |
This is such a sweet poem. There is one thing I need to ask though.... how do you manage 15 teddy bears!!  |
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Alina Le Ann Junior Member
since 2000-01-30
Posts 40INDIANA |
This poem is absolutely adorable!!  Keep writing....you're a shining star!!!  |
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Bbuzz Member
since 1999-12-17
Posts 76Washinton State |
How adorable! I can picture your Dad very easily! You are great! |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
mini poet, this is so cool...and I agree with Mike, you do have an eye (and ear) for detail. Loved how you wrote "spilled some in a glass and watched me glug glug glug" Keep writing, you're doing swell! Claire |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
Well let me welcome you to passions dear...you've made quite the entrance!!!  Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
This mini poet does not have mini talent. You write a wonderful verse, young poet, and tell a great story with it. This is adorable! Liz |
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Ted Reynolds Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 331 |
This is really neat. Don't blame me for pointing out problems -- I've just crossed over from "Critical Analysis" -- but don't you want to fill out the meter and rhyme of the end of the second stanza, and the beginning of the third? This is so near to perfect . . . go for perfect!!! |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Mini Poet-  Very nice entrance into the Passion's forum. Dad's are like that ... yup ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
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Gene Senior Member
since 2000-01-23
Posts 935Colorado, USA |
This is delightful and cute. Great first post. Welcome to the forums, Mini. ~Gene |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Delightful poem, mini poet! You certainly have inherited your Dad's talent! Please check your email for a special welcome! Denise [This message has been edited by dsnyder (edited 02-06-2000).] |
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catwomen Junior Member
since 2000-02-05
Posts 49 |
You are talented. Adorable poem. look forward to more |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Delightful poem! Welcome! |
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Munda Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544The Hague, The Netherlands |
I really love this poem. Could see your Dad sitting in the kitchen, staring at the wall |
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Rex Allen McCoy Member Elite
since 2000-01-30
Posts 2863Sippin a Timmy's in London |
thankyou everyone ... you tucked a little girl to bed tonight with a hug that means more than I can describe She wanted to say something back to you all but nothing she thought of was good enough She really likes Marges poems ... she says they are good and they look pretty too Rex |
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bobbycat Member
since 2000-02-06
Posts 233USA |
Very sweet! I liked it--had to smile at the ending! Bobbycat |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Mini Poet Maxi Talent...cute..very cute.. I look forward to reading more from you... |
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Echo Rhayne Senior Member
since 1999-09-17
Posts 1495Canyon Country, CA |
*clapping* This was great. You have quite the talent my dear! You tell the story so well that you can actually visiualize what you are talking about! Great job! Keep em comin Just be glad I'm not your child! *evil grin* |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
This is wonderful. We need more, soon! Sunshine Look, then, into thine heart, and write ~~~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow |
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HelmutB Senior Member
since 2000-01-06
Posts 964Canada |
Big with words and rhyme you are A mini poet not by far Your poem so cute, so true it's there Just as true as your fifteen bear I smiled, remembered when my kids were young You are special dear so write another one I can see your daddies face I bet he looked lovely with such grace Your doing well, yes by far A GREAT mini poet is what you are The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools. |
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