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flow damage
| Open Poetry #6 |
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flow damage |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
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I am not a faucet. I was never a faucet attached to the sink You washed your hands in. I never collected your hair and spit and toothpaste droppings. Copper water never ran through my pipes -- I never found a porcelain basin I liked. When I was a boy, I cried whenever I felt moved. Dog died on tv. Christ died on lp. Boy bit off thumb of sister in our backyard, blood playpals playthings on the swing the seesaw -- How raw. Now, older, I cannot will the tears. Even when I pray to the same Christdead god for release. My dog long since deceased. I don't know what happened to the boy and his sis. Those times are definitely not missed. Flow damage -- eyes can tear but sobs won't come. Can lie on bed for hours, back against covers, And still won't come. Something somewhere somehow gone. I never found a fairy tale princess except one made of porcelain. She broke when I leaned into her too hard. Little dust and pieces to collect and toss. I am not your sink -- I do not want to be touched by your floss, Your long snakelike strings of things -- sins and whims and disease. Now shut me off for the night. Drip, drip. Please. [This message has been edited by bsquirrel (edited 04-02-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 MPC - All Rights Reserved | |||
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
This is a very sad descriptive poem. I wish I could turn you off if that is what you need. Love and hugs, Lizzie  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
When I was a boy, I cried whenever I felt moved. Dog died on tv. Christ died on lp. Boy bit off thumb of sister in our backyard, blood playpals playthings on the swing the seesaw -- How raw. Now, older, I cannot will the tears. Even when I pray to the same Christdead god for release. My dog long since deceased. I don't know what happened to the boy and his sis. Those times are definitely not missed. Flow damage -- eyes can tear but sobs won't come. Can lie on bed for hours, back against covers, And still won't come. Something somewhere somehow gone. ----------------------- this is raw and very deep, and very cool...also very personal. the metaphors are perfect,while being most unique...a word that seems to come to mind often when reading your work...(definatly meant as a compliment)this is very well written, and emotionaly strong...they (the emotions)effect this reader much. very good work. jm she said I dont know if I've ever been good enough, and I'm a little bit rusty, and I feel like my head is caving in. ...and I dont know if I've ever been really loved by a hand thats touched me... and I feel like somethings gonna give... and I'm a little bit angry. matchbox20 |
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INclan Senior Member
since 1999-07-20
Posts 1024Indiana, USA |
Well done, bsquirrel. I can really feel the intense emotions behind this piece. INclan |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
WOW...the feelings in this one are portrayed so vividly  |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Okay, no B.S. tonight--simple excellence. |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
I have to agree with Serenity, Mike...excellence here. Thank you for pouring this one out. Your writing always moves me. ~ Claire |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
ESP, I'm fine, but thanks anyway. Appreciated. JM, Thanks. It's again me trying to throw some universality into old, broken images. INclan, Thanks. hoot, Also thanks. serenity, Wow, it took until now for someone to pun my screen name. I'm ashamed! Claire, As does yours. Of course free time isn't much an option these days, so right now, I'm more posting and replying than taking the time to read others work, too. Hopefully, that'll change. Mike |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
.gif) Magnificent!! The images you create with your writing is an amazing gift, it flowed well and left a haunting feeling at the end. Bravo!!! Hold me for yesterday Kiss me for tomorrow But love me for today. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thanks, b. |
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CherylLynnMckee Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 215 |
I agree with the others..this is excellent...and your talents run deep. A big WOW here!!! |
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