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Open Poetry #6
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waiting for the train
| Open Poetry #6 |
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waiting for the train |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855
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The man sat, heavy and hunched, on a bench. Rain ticked off the overhang and splashed puddles at his feet. His shoes, dirty white canvas sneaks, shone brightly under the night's wet light. His skin looked like pressed paper. The smooth downward hook of a cane floated against his hands. Bored and young, I sat next to him. Mostly to hear his voice. Unlike many, I had no fear of the old. Unlike most, I had no fascination, either. He closed his eyes, brought his cane to his chest, lay his chin against his knuckles. I looked away, out at the rainwater and -shadows: quicksilver sparks nearest the light; further away a hazing of the everyday. I tried to read a sign across the tracks, against the hill, but fell asleep. What you never say pokes you with urgency: symbols that visit and never find answer or resolve. I jolted from my slouch, knowing the man was staring. But he was gone, as the rain. "There is more than pleasure and pain," I said, reading the sign across the tracks. I kept expecting him to appear, lean close and speak in the dry husk of a man who knew the song so well he had written it himself; the words no longer meaning; just flavors on the tongue, sounds against lonesome echo. After a moment, I stood, looked at my watch and walked into the night. It seems the train would not be coming tonight. (c) 2000 Mike Chmielecki |
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| © Copyright 2000 MPC - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
The meaning of this, I don't think I can place, but it was a very intriguing read for me.  Your images are wonderful by the way. |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
I would have to agree with Temptress... I found line after line of intriguing phrases here, Mike. "His skin looked like pressed paper." "further away a hazing of the everyday." "flavors on the tongue, sounds against lonesome echo." Such a visual piece, this one, and so easily enjoyed by this reader. ~ Claire |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
This IS very visual--methinks me spots a trend of new in you, yes? You are a 'play' waiting to be written... |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Thanks, all. Glad you enjoyed. Experimenting as usual. Mike |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
"experimenting, as usual..." said the alchemist... This is beautiful! Keen observation, as always! |
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Ravenlearns2fly Member
since 2000-02-28
Posts 71 |
deep very deep perhaps the man is the symbol of what is to come perhaps a symbol of what could be a wasted endevor at youth or perhaps nothing more than a congered image within your mind. I see the beauty of solatude within your words. deep very deep Raven |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Now this is a refreshing piece - excellent detail - and I love the format, definitely a prose poem - wonderful! K'Writing sharpens life; life enriches writing' Sylvia Plath |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
Merci. Mike |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
I really enjoyed the visuals and the allusiveness of this was wonderful. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Imagery just don't get any better than this |
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