»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #6
»
I'm Sorry...
| Open Poetry #6 |
|
I'm Sorry... |
|
|
devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali 
|
Tonight I cried for you in vain- For the unfairness of your pain- It wasn’t your fault, My dear love of heart- And I will weep for you.. Not because you’re weak- But because I love you… And I should have been there- To hold you, to save you, Just to be there. Instead I stayed in darkness, Unaware of all your pain- I can only thank God- That you’re still here with me today. Please forgive my ignorance- For not knowing that you needed me- For not feeling you calling my heart- For not being able to see. That I almost lost the one so dear to me. I would have walked the world- In empty shadow- Feeling all your pain- Missing you, loving you- Trying to justify the same. Regardless of what you’ve lost- You still hold all inside- Because you’re you- My soul sister at heart- My relation to the world- My only justification- To care or not care. Remember my heart Is there…and I’m sorry- That I wasn’t. Regretful tears still sting These eyes… For the one I almost lost to Fate. *Dedicated to one of my very closest friends, Marlene…whom I almost lost in a car accident six months ago. I recently learned that she’s paralyzed from the waist down…and this heart continues to bleed for what never should have been.* Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Tanya Nicole Bustamante - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
oman sniff forget a about the great flow of the poem the sentiment is sweet and its just the perfect poem,,,nicely done devina |
||
|
bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
dV~ I think this poem could use a little bit of editing. For example, instead of Tonight I cried for you in vain- For the unfairness of your pain- I think you should forget about rhyme and start the first stanza in free verse. example "Tonight I cried for you Marlene Not because you’re weak- I love you… I should have been there- To hold you, to save you, Just to be there. Please forgive my ignorance- I didn't know that you needed me- I didn't feel you calling my heart- I wasn't able to see. I almost lost someone dear to me stayed in darkness, Unaware of all your pain- thank God- you’re still here with me today ~I don't know if this helps you, it just seems like you're saying the same thing, and a little pruning could make the picture that much clearer. best regards, bboog |
||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Devina~ This is your heart talking to a friend. What beautiful words you write. These are YOUR emotions YOUR words YOUR thoughts ..... Perfect just the way it stands. I hope you get to share it with your friend ... I'm sure she will need and want to feel your hugs. Love ya' ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
||
|
Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
This is sad and so beautiful devina, I'm sure your friend will love and appreciate this.  beautifully written. What comes from the heart goes to the heart. Samuel Coleridge |
||
|
Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
devina, It is good to cry, my dear. This is very very sad and your warm, caring, loving side show though so vividly here. So please don't misunderstand what I am about to say. Circumstance is what kept you from being there the night of the accident. Fate can deal some pretty hard blows at times. Even still, you had now way knowing what had happened so please, please don't beat yourself up for "not" being there. Your heart has always held the friendship special, and from where you were, what else could be done? You were able to share you beautiful emotion with your friend last night, even if under less than desirable circumstance. Some never get that chance. By all means be sad for her, but also be joyous she is alive and still your friend. Most of all, do not carry ANY guilt from this. And if I've said too much just slap me! I am speaking from experience here, though. ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))!!!!! Michael |
||
|
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
This is full of sadness... but also beautiful with shared friendship. We can't always protect our friends... we can only love them. |
||
|
Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
devina, A wonderful sad poem. You did well. |
||
|
Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
Wow Devina! What an apology.....very heartfelt.. thanks for sharing!! |
||
|
devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
wayoutwalt- I thank you dear...straight from my heart!! bboog- I respect your critisism, however this poem had no forthought, no planning, and definantly no format. This was strictly me dealing with the pain...maybe you should feel that instead of "just" a format. Marge- How can I ever thank you enough for understanding?? This was an overflow of my heart here!! thank you!! Dark Angel- thank you..that means alot!! Michael- I know what you're saying hun, don't worry, this hand won't be doing any slapping on your part...I know you are right...thanks for being there!!! suthern- You're right, of course...that sounds like a poem all in itself!!! thank you. Sy- thanks to you m'friend...just dealing with the pain!!! LR- So I did good on the apology huh??G* thanks m'friend!! Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
||
|
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Excellent expression, Devina! Very well done! I'm so sorry for your pain. Denise |
||
|
Rosemary J. Gwaltney Senior Member
since 1999-08-26
Posts 997northern mountains, Idaho |
Oh, Devina, you are such a warm and loving person. This poem is lovely and heartrending. |
||
|
JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Wonderful sentiments from a loving and concerned heart. James |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
My turn to cry, devina. Beautifully expressed...love to you, and prayers for Marlene. |
||
|
Marina Member Elite
since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245Pickering, Ontario |
A beautiful poem devina...fate can play such a strange role in our lives. What is important is you can be there for her now. I'm sure just writing this will have made you feel better. HUGS to you and Marlene Marina |
||
|
mariee66 Senior Member
since 2000-01-30
Posts 596Recess, OfYourMind |
How heart wrenching this must be for you~ I feel your pain, as I am no starnger to it myself~ Take Care~ Marie~ "Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind." The Bard |
||
|
Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Beautiful Devina. . . You all know the song. . . "Don't know what you've got. . ." sometimes, we should feel glad that we do. . . ----------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
