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Open Poetry #6

The Dark One's Wish List

EagleScorpion
Senior Member

since 2000-03-08

Posts 1644
Here, Now, Forever

0 posted 2000-03-10 12:16 PM

The Dark One's Wish List

Faded memories, forgotten goals,
Unsatisfied hearts, forsaken souls,
Blind old men, neglected tears,
Wasted potential, savage fears,
Chemical dependancy, biblical discrepancy,
Corrupt hypocracy, utter insanity,
Mass scuicide, global genocide,
In Satan, a sadly some confide,
Black magic, obsession so tragic,
Political stability so erratic,
Marijuana tokers, crack smokers,
Society's pitiful isolated jokers,
Overpopulation, quartered rations,
All a product of procrastination,
Bitter hope, hooked on dope,
End of the rope, trying to cope,
Nuclear war, battle planes soar,
Whats this life for? Armageddon's roar,
Stinking death, passion bereft,
Rampant theft, nothing shall be left,
Ashes to ashes, eleven bells, fallen angels,
This world goes to hell.

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

1 posted 2000-03-10 12:47 PM

Hi, E.S.

I was intrigued at how you managed to rhythmically place and rhyme words that are usually unrhymable. That's a cool feat. One small gripe; this poem is too message-heavy. The best way to give a message is with strong images that speak for themselves, not prejudgments and condemnations (though those can be good in moderation). Either way, I loved the complex rhythms of this piece.

Mike

Mistikman
Senior Member

since 2000-01-10

Posts 682
San Jose, CA, USA

2 posted 2000-03-10 01:13 AM

Oooh, this is wonderful. I love the flow of this one, almost chanting

Keep up the good work.

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

3 posted 2000-03-11 08:12 AM

This is a clever poem...well done. Welcome to passions

tracie66
Member Elite

since 2000-01-18

Posts 4713
Australia

4 posted 2000-03-11 10:38 PM

Nice one
this was a fantastic read, I loved it
You have done well
Welcome to passions

Keep all the windows of your mind open
Anne Rooks

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