New Poet Seeking Constructive Critisism

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Open Poetry #6

New Poet Seeking Constructive Critisism

yelimS
New Member

since 2000-03-07

Posts 4

0 posted 2000-03-07 11:22 PM

Hello everyone, I have just started creating poems, here is one of my works that came to me when I thought of a beautiful young lady at my school

Your face is so beautiful
Your eyes are so wonderful
Your hair looks so cute
Your smile is so meriful
     For you my heart will pound
     You are like a treasure I have found
     If for one day you could be mine
     The garden of love would forever twine

mete out
Member

since 2000-02-16

Posts 270
england

1 posted 2000-03-08 11:25 AM

***Yelim,
This is a really sweet poem, I really liked it...

Welcome to Passions and keep on writing.
Thankyou for sharing this.

I am not a preacher, I just speak the world as I see it.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2000-03-08 12:27 PM

yelimS~ this is very very sweet! You did great. Keep it up!

- SEA

EagleScorpion
Senior Member

since 2000-03-08

Posts 1644
Here, Now, Forever

3 posted 2000-03-08 01:56 PM

Not too shabby, you definately have a future in poetry.

mystery
Member

since 2000-02-21

Posts 79

4 posted 2000-03-08 02:09 PM

short, sweet and to the point, Welcome to Passions!

Parker
Member Elite

since 2000-01-06

Posts 3129
ON

5 posted 2000-03-08 02:21 PM

yelimS, very nice, I say stick it on her locker, keep them wondering.

Parker

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

6 posted 2000-03-08 03:23 PM

Oh yes, you are off to a good start in this garden of love. I think you are captivated by her beauty. James

yelimS
New Member

since 2000-03-07

Posts 4

7 posted 2000-03-09 06:53 PM

Thank you very much for your wonderful comments, they are very appreciated. It is weird, a lot of people come to me and tell me how I am hot and everything, and how nice of a person I am, but when I go for that girl I like, it seems those are always the ones that aren't interested

15z_guardian_angel
New Member

since 2000-03-09

Posts 3
Toronto,Ontario,Canada

8 posted 2000-03-09 08:08 PM

very sweet & cute...i'm a newbie too and seems like ur doing a lot better then me so far!! good job!!

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.